Empowering Websites for Girls

A big part of my job is helping women identify and let go of the big boob baggage they've been carrying around for years. Bullying at school, shaming within the family and teen self esteem issues can all leave women carrying around self-doubt and insecurity for decades. Great adult confidence starts with experiencing diverse and empowering toys, stories, adventures and mentors as a child.

Here are some of my favourite websites with resources to help you raise or encourage a girl in your life...
Books, Toys and Entertainment
http://www.amightygirl.com/
http://towardthestars.com/

Clothing
http://www.girlscantwhat.com/
http://www.pigtailpals.com/
http://www.amightygirl.com/ 
http://towardthestars.com/

Mentoring
http://www.mygirltalk.org/
http://www.girlsforachange.org/

International Projects
https://www.w4.org/en/
http://www.girlup.org/
http://www.girleffect.org/

Career Help and Inspiration
http://www.sheheroes.org/
http://www.cagis.ca/ 

The Right Bra Fit Isn't About Your Body

A bra that fits you correctly will stay in place, lift your girls and stop spillage. So good fit is the most important thing about finding a well-fitting bra right? Wrong. I have no doubt that the most important thing about good bra fit is emotional.

Bad bra fit can have dreadful physical effects but the emotional damage can spill into every aspect of your life. Do any of these sound familiar?

"I avoid working out or running with my kids because my breasts bounce too much and I feel embarrassed."

"I choose baggy clothes so that you can't see my bust."

"My back hurts so much that some days I can't work or see friends or run errands."

"I can't face going bra shopping because nothing fits me and the sales assistants make me feel huge."

Helping my clients overcome these emotional hurdles is why I teach them about good bra fit. Besides giving you the support to run around after your kids, or join a sports team, or choose the clothes you want to wear, a bra that fits you means you can STOP thinking about your breasts. It's the greatest freedom we can give our clients is to stop worrying and thinking about their bust. If you're well supported and given the emotional support to feel comfortable in your body then you are free to think about other things and that's fantastic.

My greatest achievements since starting Butterfly Collection are the women who tell me that they used to worry about their bust at work, in public, when socializing or with family but that they just don't think about it anymore. They just get on living their life more fully because they have the physical and emotional support of a good bra and, dare I say, an understanding company.

If you have put off getting the right bra fit then I want you to think about what it would be like to live a life without worrying about your breasts and maybe that will help you take the first step in your better bra life xx

Why My Daughters Won't Have My Maternity Bra Nightmares

This week's blog is a guest post from one of our customers who found her best bra fit in her 50s and has become a Bra Fit Evangelist. In her guest post she highlights the physical and emotional difference between her maternity bra shopping experience in the 1970s and the choices available to her daughters today.

"When I was pregnant in the 70s I was looking forward to everything that came with pregnancy. Buying things for the baby and maternity clothes for me to proudly show off my ‘bump’ and of course I’d need to get some bras for my larger pregnancy boobs. Getting things for the baby was exciting and fun but shopping for maternity clothes and bras was a wasteland for busty Moms-to-be.

I had always been busty and as a teenager had my fair share of doom and gloom in the fitting room. Bras over a D cup were hard to find in the 1960s but I naively thought that my pregnancy bra choices would be better. Surely there would be bigger cups available for pregnant and nursing Moms.

I was so sad to discover that there was only white or beige in one basic style (if you can call it a style) with almost industrial cups and straps and the cups still didn’t go above a D, they just got bigger in the band. I used to call them my ‘parachutes’ as they felt worthy of army manoeuvres. At only 23 years of age I was wearing bras that an 80 year old would find uninspiring. To accommodate my cup volume I had to wear a 42E and it made me feel huge, ancient and uncomfortable. Knowing what I do now I should have been in a 34GG or even a 32H.

A nursing/maternity bra like Sophie is essential in small bands and large cup volumes for busty women

With an ever changing body and serious breast weight the 42E bras did nothing to support me and so my pregnancies became times that I struggled most with my breasts. Pregnancy is such a special time and there are so many new things happening to you that you need and DESERVE bras that fit you and support you. You don’t want to be distracted by straps digging in and a sore neck when there are so many more amazing things happening like your baby’s first movements.

Happily for my daughters, there is now a wealth of choice in maternity/nursing lingerie. Smaller bands and cups up to a K add over 100 sizes than were available during my pregnancies. The band support is so important so it makes me really happy to know that busty Moms today don’t have to compromise on band support in order to get the cup volume. I wish I’d had beautiful choices because on those days when you are exhausted from sleep deprivation and constant feeding it would make a big difference to your self-esteem to know your boobs are encased in something comfortable and beautiful."

The Gap Between Thin and Plus Size

I rarely write posts purely about bodies because, as you all know, my focus is boobs no matter which bodies they live on. For a long time though something has been niggling away at the back of my mind then last week 2 things happened that made up my mind about writing this post. As a size US 8/10 (UK 12-14) I have never identified as a skinny person, apart from maybe when I was 9 and my haircut and knees were the biggest parts of me. I developed hips and boobs as a teenager and they've stayed consistently prominent throughout my adult years. Considering I have some major curves going on I've never identified as a Plus Sized person either. I don't need to seek Plus Size retailers to find clothes that fit and I don't encounter many of the physical or emotional situations that I read about from Plus Sized women. So if I'm not skinny or plus sized, what am I in the realms of social discussion? Apparently I, like the millions of other women, don't warrant discussion because I don't fit neatly into either of the two body boxes.

Last week there was a news piece doing the social media rounds about a school girl who started a petition to encourage Disney to create a plus sized princess. I think this is a great idea for more diverse representation from an iconic company, however, this kind of thing happens a lot where the two options seem to be 'thin' or 'plus sized' which bypasses the millions of women who don't identify as either. I don't look at a Disney princess and think "Yeah, I have those kind of proportions" but I also wouldn't see a plus size character and identify any more closely. Very rarely do we see people petitioning for a middle ground and I'm not really sure why.

With her defined tummy, hips and thighs Robyn Lawley is very relatable for lots of middle-sized women but she is almost constantly referred to as Plus Sized because the fashion industry only allows for 2 groups of size.

A topic that has been well discussed is the definition of Plus Size models. Robyn Lawley is a prolific model who at a size US 12 (UK 16) is considered Plus Size by the fashion industry but she's also over 6ft and proportionally akin to a size 10, 5ft 9 woman. I understand that the fashion industry is polarized into thin and plus size but Robyn looks proportionally like lots of us middle-sizers (bar the exquisite eyebrows perhaps!) but we're not allowed to have her as an ambassador because she gets allocated to Plus Sized where we don't identify.

I personally don't need validation from a slew of social media memes to help me define who I am. I am fortunate to feel very proud of my body and the person it houses so it's not for my own identification that I raise this question. However, lots of girls and women don't fall into the category of thin or plus sized and their fit and esteem issues are just as valid. It would be great if we didn't have such polarized 'categories' of bodies but it's naive not to recognize that 'thin' and 'plus size' have very visible representation in social media, retail and traditional media so where do you look if you don't fit neatly into either camp?

Elomi (left) is a predominantly Plus Size brand with most bands starting a 34. Cleo (right) is a predominantly Full Bust brand with most bands starting at a 28. The shaping needs of these two categories can be quite different.

The second occurrence that prompted this post was an article I read about finding good bra fit which said "if you have big boobs then you need a plus size bra and there are lots of brands to choose from, like Elomi". Yes, Elomi is a great plus size specialty brand, one that we are delighted to carry, but not all women with big boobs are plus sized!

When Paul and I created Butterfly Collection the lack of understanding around boob and body size was painfully apparent. The term Full Bust (meaning a 28-38 band size with a D-K+ cup) was almost unheard of when we began speaking to brands and customers alike. People kept trying to lump us in the Plus Sized category because they didn't know what else to do with us. And that's the problem for me. It's just lazy to ignore that body size and shape is far more diverse than just thin or plus size and the fact that a term like full bust is so hard for people to grasp shows the lack of language and understanding around body diversity.

It's because of this stereotypical idea that big boobs live on big bodies that I wanted to raise this subject. If you aren't a plus size woman but you also don't fit into the 'shapes' of Victoria's Secret, strapless tops and thigh gaps then it can be difficult to know where to look for retail help and social empathy and I hope we can change that by changing our language around body shapes.
 

Kat Dennings, Christina Hendricks and Mindy Kaling are all public figures who I can identify with on a physical level and they've all been labeled as plus size at some point by a polarized 'thin' or 'plus size' rhetoric

If you identify as a Plus Sized woman then there are a huge number of blogs, stores, public figures, resources and shows that identify as Plus Size and so are easy to seek out. If you're a size 8, 32G with big hips, no bum and a trim waist then finding people, blogs, stores and advice that empathize is a little trickier. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Does it matter if there isn't a mass representation and language around middle-sizers? Am I underestimating the representation that already exists? Let me know what you think xx

Don't Tell Me I Should Hate my Breasts!

Last week there was an article in The Hufffington Post (originally posted on Literally, Darling) that really irritated me. The two authors were bemoaning the problems and effects of growing and having larger breasts. This is a subject that is very real and many women with large breasts will feel some empathy with what the writers have to say. What bugs me is that the article (and many others like it) assume that ALL large breasted women are unhappy, in pain and lack confidence. What a load of rubbish! Besides being a happy, large busted woman I also know many women who are very happy and comfortable in their large breasts. The article in the Huffington Post implied that women like me are almost deluded because happiness, confidence and comfort simply don't apply to busty women.

There are a few stereotypes that get trotted out in articles about large breasts and I think we need to start taking them with a huge pinch of salt because they undermine the goal of stomping out big boob stereotypes. I want to address a few things written in the article:

"They (big boobs) dominate your whole life"
When you understand which sizes and styles of bras are right for your breasts many women can get on with their busy and varied lives without thinking about their breasts. My 32GG bust does not weigh on my mind when I'm working out in my Enell sports bra, they don't bug me when I'm out for dinner in my Idina plunge, and they behave themselves all day in my array of full coverage and balconette bras. They don't dominate my life because I have learned how to support and dress them in a way that makes me comfortable and happy.

"...and attempting to get guys to look above our chin when they talked to us."
There is a social assumption that every male is looking at big boobs with lecherous intent. Not only is this not true it also doesn't apply solely to big boobs. Those males who are only capable of looking at a woman's chest will do so whether you've got a little or a lot of boob, the problem lies with the man and not the cup size. This generalization also does a disservice to all the men who respect women, are interested in their thoughts and actions just as much (if not more) than how they look. This point is a whole other post but sufficed to say many people, men and women, are looking us in the face and we shouldn't dismiss them along with the stereotype.

"the giant girls sag from the sheer weight and flip-flop about in pretty much the least sexy way possible. Not a great visual, right?"
So much about this bothers me. Who the hell decides what's sexy? My breasts don't stay up by themselves, they haven't for years, they move about when not supported and not only do I feel sexy in my body I happen to love the natural shape and movement of my breasts so how dare you tell me it's not a great visual!

"Remember that we are just as insecure with ourselves as women who only need a camisole. We carry our own (very heavy) insecurities every day, too. Like everyone else, we learn how to cope with our own body image issues. You either hide behind giant clothing and pretend your breasts aren't the first thing anyone sees, or you learn to break the ice, make the first joke and just acknowledge the elephant(s) in the room. Because if you don't, someone else will."

Aghghghghgghgh!!!! Firstly, not every woman feels daily insecurities about her body and they're not delusional narcissists, they are women who have other priorities, have a self-confidence they can rely on and women who have dispensed with being told to feel insecure.

You absolutely have more options than wearing baggy clothing or self-deprecating humour. Your breasts are not 'elephants' that need to be belittled in order to make other people feel better. You are the sum of many parts and your breasts are only one part and to the people in this world who truly care for you, you will never have to justify or hide this part of you.

I know that for a long time to come we will continue to see articles like this which only serve to keep busty women in a vicious cycle of self-loathing and fear. As you know a huge part of what we do at Butterfly Collection is build knowledge and confidence as well as your bra drawer so please don't feel like you should feel embarrassed or ashamed about your bust simply because you're busty, it's a load of nonsense!! xx

Diversity in Lingerie - Diversity in Life

On Tuesday August 21st 2013 June, from Braless in Brasil, launched a campaign called #DiversityinLingerie. Posting a picture of herself in her beautiful post-babies--over 30--a life fully led--stretch marks--and--skin glory June reminds us that we don't see enough physical diversity in lingerie. This means lingerie brands, catwalk shows and retailers don't use a diverse range of models to promote and demonstrate their styles which means millions of women are not represented in an industry for women. We are gradually seeing more plus size models as part of mainstream lingerie marketing but what about women of colour, varying abilities, gender, stretch marks/scars, tattoos, amputees, heights?

I'm not qualified to speak on most of these subjects, however, trail blazers like The Lingerie Addict and The Lingerie Lesbian are creating forums in which women can learn, empathize and be empowered. By challenging preconceptions and highlighting pioneering brands like Kiss Me Deadly and Chrysalis Lingerie, these bloggers aim to make diversity in lingerie a reality. This is not going to be an overnight achievement and from consumer expectations to marketing execution there is a long way to go to bring about true diversity in lingerie promotion.

I wanted to contribute to this conversation about what Diversity in Lingerie means to me. My primary interest as both a bra fitter and blogger is understanding a busty woman's relationship with her body/breasts and giving her the knowledge to feel confident, beautiful and peaceful. What I've come to know is that the diversity of women's relationships with lingerie is vast. How women identify with lingerie, how they use it, what they want from it, how it makes them feel, these are the diversities that I am keenly focused on. 

I am 100% behind the purpose to encourage more physical representation and diversity in lingerie promotion. I would add to this that I would love to see more diversity in the portrayal of women's relationships with lingerie (I elaborated on this in a recent article for The Lingerie Addict). The majority of advertising and marketing we see around lingerie positions it as a delicacy, a thing to be enjoyed in isolation, but lingerie is for life! Lingerie is not an option for some, it's essential for many women to lead their lives confidently and comfortably.

I would love to see a greater diversity in the portrayal of life in lingerie. Here of some of my clients' relationships with lingerie:
1) Roller Derby girls who want bold patterns in designs that can withstand extreme sports.
2) Post-surgery women (some of whom are facing months of recovery) who want more sizes and variation in post operative bras.
3) Nursing Moms who are learning how to fend off social commentary, gain confidence in their new role and body as well as physically manage the rigors of breastfeeding.
4) Professional sports women who are defying the big boob stereotypes and sexism they encounter to pursue their profession with breast support and confidence.
5) Emergency workers who need extreme support during their days but want the diversity of colour and design that lesser impact bras take for granted.
6) Women over 75 with heavy busts whose bone density has changed considerably. Their desire for elegant and beautiful lingerie has not changed but the design and support of their bras is very different from a 22 year old's.

The #DiversityinLingerie campaign is insightful, powerful and inspiring and I hope you take time to read some, if not all, of these posts. Women are as diverse in nature and purpose as we are in looks and physicality. Our diversity is fascinating and beautiful and we can learn a great deal from it. xx

Braless in Brasil
The Breast Life
The Lingerie Addict
Thin and Curvy
Bras and Body Image
Les Gros Bonnets
Wide Curves
Fussy Busty
Under the Unders
Kurvendiskussionen
Curvy Wordy
The Absurd Curvy Nerd
The Full Figured Chest
Muscular Hourglass

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Posts that are live:
Braless in Brasil
Les Gros Bonnet
Wide Curves
By Baby's Rules
Kurvendiskussionen
The Full Figured Chest
Curvy Wordy
Under the Unders
Muscular Hourglass
The Absurd Curvy Nerd
The Lingerie Addict
Bras and Body Image
Thin and Curvy
Anytime Yoga
Pretty Big Bras - See more at: http://www.bralessinbrasil.com/2013/08/diversityinlingerie.html#sthash.6eag3Rfd.dpuf

Fathers, Daughters and Bras

It was Father's Day yesterday and millions of us were fortunate to have a father figure who we could celebrate. My own Dad is a phenomenal human being. Being the only male in our house he dealt very well with the constant round of bras on the radiators, PMS rotation and ever shortening hemlines! I'm very lucky that he never made me feel there were limits or expectations to my life because I was female. Instead he supported my dreams to travel and most especially to start a business that I truly believed in. He's a huge influence on why I started and how I run Butterfly Collection and now he's probably one of the most bra savvy 65 year olds on the planet!

I have this incredible male influence in my life and yet I have to admit that I sometimes feel rather hopeless in my goal of giving busty women the confidence to defy breast stereotypes and sexism. There is such a frightening swathe of men (and sadly other women) who show no respect or humanity for women and I often wonder if we can make a difference and end the cycles of body-shaming and gender stereotyping. And then I remember a phone conversation I had with a father of a busty teen and I know that there is a vast amount of good and change out there.

The conversation was with a father whose 14 year old daughter was developing quickly. He explained to me that his wife had died of ovarian cancer six years previously and he needed help to help his daughter begin her bra journey. He told me that he had two sisters who both had complex body issues that stemmed from their father and he didn't want that for his daughter. He had researched bras and body confidence in teens which led him to this blog and our store. His primary concern was that his daughter had a resource she felt comfortable with to find bras and understand her fit. A Dad wanting bra fit education for his daughter. That's a good man. We came up with a series of options for his daughter and she chose which one she wanted to pursue. Two years later she emails me every time her size or shape changes and understands what good bra fit looks and feels like on her body. That's a gift her father gave her that will stay with her forever.

I don't know if we'll ever eradicate stereotypes and sexism around breasts but I know there are kind fathers out there who are ending the cycle of body shame in their family and that is immeasurable change for good. xx

Back Fat and Bra Fit

This isn't a term I love but there's no getting around it, lots of women ask me about back fat. I'm going to start by saying that in the big scheme of things back fat is not something you need to worry about. No one who matters is looking at your back and judging you so you don't need to scrutinize yourself either. Having said that I know that it bothers lots of women so I want to help you understand how your bra size and shape can affect how your body looks under clothing. There are two main causes of avoidable back fat 1) bands that are too loose and 2) wings that are too shallow.

How a Loose Band Gives You Back Fat
When your band is too big for you it rides up your back creating an arch shape which cuts across the widest part of your back and pushes the flesh downwards which creates rolls on your back. The weight of your unsupported bust at the front pulls the tissue near your armpit to be pushed up which creates overhang too.

The red line shows where the bra band should lie so that the flesh is not pushed up or down

Lots of women think that a snug bra will give them back fat but it will do quite the opposite. A snug band will fit you at the narrowest part of your torso. The will stop the flesh above and below being forced up or down into rolls. A loose band doesn't just cause rolls it also lowers your bust at the front and causes your straps to dig in.

How the Depth of Your Wings Affect Back Fat
Bras with deeper wings will smooth out your back. Just as long panels of shapewear smooth you out under clothing so too a deeper wing will smooth out your back.

Left, Lucy by Cleo. Right, Profile Perfect by FayreForm

In the image above you can see that the wings on Lucy are shallower than the wings on Profile Perfect. The deeper wings spread out the pressure of the band over a greater area and so the back appears smoother than the shallower wing

Fit is more important than Fat
If you carry a lot of weight around your back then you are always going to get some dips where your bra fits but having a bra that fits you correctly is more important than something even you can't see without twisting in a mirror. If it really bothers you then you can wear shapewear over your bra that will add another smoothing layer to your undergarments but in general choosing a bra that is the best shape and band size for you will make a huge difference to the smoothness of your look xx

Which Sports Bra Should Full Bust Women Wear?

Sports bras are so much more than just well engineered bras that absorb impact, they are the mental and physical freedom to have a choice whether you want to participate in sports and activities that can lead to friendships, careers, improved health and well-being. A saddening number of girls stop playing sports or being generally active because they don't have adequate breast support. It's simply wrong that millions of girls and women miss out on the physical and emotional benefits of being active for the sake of a well-fitting sports bra. Things have changed a great deal in the last decade and we can ensure that fewer girls feel forced out of sports simply over the size of their chests and that grown women can take back control over their physical activities in a supportive sports bra.

Dove's billboard makes you wonder how many girls we could keep in sports with the right physical & emotional support

Why Do We Need Sports Bras?
We need sports bras because breasts don't have any muscle in them; they are held in place by two things, ligaments and skin. The ligaments (technical name Coopers Ligaments) stretch and contract to accommodate your movements. Your skin also stretches to allow for the force and impact of your movements. Unlike muscles, there is little you can do to alter your ligament and skin elasticity and strength, so the only thing you can do is add another layer of shock absorption that can take the impact strain your ligaments and skin alone couldn't handle.

Left, Simona Halep is categorically in the wrong sports bra and ultimately she resorted to a breast reduction. Serena Williams' bra shows the coverage and support a well-fitting sports bra can give.

When you work out your boobs are moving more often and greater distances than when you're doing everyday activities. During this time you need to protect your ligaments and skin from getting over-stretched as this can be very painful. To minimize the stretch factor you need to wear a sports bra that is designed to absorb the impact of your activity.

The Two Types of Sports Bra
There are two types of sports bras; Encapsultation and Compression. There is no right or wrong for which one you should wear, however, you should know how they differ to understand which one is right for you and the activity you're doing.

Panache Sports Bra is an encapsultation bra as it has distinct cups and comes in regular bra sizes

Encapsultation Bras have two distinct cups just like a regular bra so that each breast is housed in its own cup. Unlike regular bras the cups are likely to be thicker, longer (cup higher up your body) and have another layer of fabric wrapped around the outside of the cups that disperses impact away from the breast and around the whole upper body instead. These kind of bras keep the breasts as still as possible inside the cups without putting excess pressure on the breast itself. This kind of sports bra is also ideal for very busy days as it can be worn for long periods of time. Some of our customers use this bra for cycling, jogging, rowing, working out at the gym and playing soccer. Our clients who participate in triathlons and ironman competitions tend to use the compression style as some of the activities are maximum impact and they need virtually zero movement in their chest.

Enell Compression bras use sturdy fabric with shock absorbent elastic weave in the back to disperse the impact of movement across your whole upper torso

Compression Bras don't have distinct cups and instead reduce the bounce not with thickness of cup but by keeping the breasts very close to the body (this also means that the breasts are often touching). They do this by dispersing the volume of your bust across your whole upper body (this can be known as the monoboob look). Compression bras for large breasts tend to come very high on your chest as the breast tissue is being flattened over a larger surface area than an encapsulation bra. This kind of support significantly reduces the impact of being active as the vertical movement of your breasts (caused when jumping up and down) is greatly reduced. I use a compression sports bra for running because it makes my 32GG bust have almost zero movement. The downside to a compression bra is that you shouldn't wear it for prolonged periods of time ( a couple of hours wear is ideal) because the fatty cells inside your breasts are under pressure and excessive pressure for long periods can aggravate your breasts (rashes, infection, bruising). Plus sweat gets trapped between your breasts which can cause chafing for some women over long periods of time.

The Lite from Enell is designed to be more flexible, more lightweight and can be worn for longer periods

Enell also created a Lite version of their compression sports bra which is less supportive for high impact, however, it can be worn for longer periods of time and is also excellent for activities that require more flexibility. I wear the Lite for Yoga because it has no clasp on the back so I can roll on my spine without poking myself. 

Sports Bra Sizes
Encapsulation sports bras are sized like regular bras and manufacturers like Panache have 28 back sports bras up to a UK H cup (the same as a US J cup). At the moment there still aren't enough Sports Bra options for women over an H cup. Some manufacturers (like Royce) have some wirefree styles but I hope very much that we'll see an increase in the availability of sports bras in HH, J, JJ and K cups.

Compression sports bras don't have regular bra sizes (like 32FF, or 38H) because they don't have cups. Instead they are sized either as small, medium, large, or in the case of Enell (one of the biggest compression sports bra manufacturers) they use 00, 0, 1, 2, 3, 4 etc to denote their sizes. Again, there aren't compression bras on the market for every woman (if you're a 28J it's incredibly difficult to find a sports bra). The most common solution I know some of our customers use it to purchase a cup size that works and have the band altered to fit them. I hope we see sports bras available for every woman very soon.

If you are a busty woman working out in a regular bra then it's akin to going to running in your highest heels. You wouldn't do that because you'd wreck your feet and you shouldn't do it to your breasts because you'll cause yourself pain, chafing and general injury. If you are the parent of a busty teen I urge you to seriously consider investing in a supportive and well fitting sports bra for your daughter so that she has the physical confidence to continue participating in activities that can keep her healthy and happy her whole life. xx

A Manifesto for Busty Women

When Mr Butterfly and I started Butterfly Collection we simply wanted to make it easier for busty Canadian and American women to find bras that fit them correctly. I couldn't have imagined that our purpose would grow into something so much more meaningful and diverse.

I want to share with you the things that I have learned about busty women since we began (despite being one for 20 years!) This is our busty manifesto; the things we stand for and strive for every day.

1. Every woman deserves to be fitted for a bra with dignity. No body shaming, no bullying and no discrimination.
2. Every woman deserves to have access to bra knowledge and expertise no matter where she lives. 
3. The size of your breasts does NOT dictate your personality. What other people assume about you based on your breasts says a lot about their personality.
4. In the right bra you are more confident, comfortable, able to play sports and dress without hiding.
5. Bra knowledge liberates you and puts you in harmony with your breasts.
6. Each woman's definition of beautiful, sexy and comfortable is different and she should have the bras that are right for her life and her definitions.
7. We have to break the cycle of pointless and cowardly breast shaming by the media, family and peers.
8. When you stop hating and hiding your body you realize how much more you and your body can do.
9. We foster self-esteem because it is fundamentally linked to bra fit for busty women.
10. No busty woman ever has to feel alone - she is part of a beautiful, passionate and powerful community.

My hope is that eventually every woman will feel and live these things. There are still thousands of busty women who struggle to feel physically and emotionally comfortable with their breasts and each one we, as a community, can help and support is another step closer to breaking the cycle of pain and shame. I know that as our community of confident and knowledgeable busty women grows we are creating a new bra and breast culture for our daughters to grow up in. Thank you for being part of this worthwhile mission xx

How to Help Friends and Family Find Better Bra Fit

It is wonderful and necessary that women who understand good bra fit share this enthusiasm and knowledge with others. You may know someone in the wrong bra and have tried to share your knowledge but found that you were met with resistance. This reluctance to embrace, or even discuss, good bra fit can cause many of us to get frustrated and disheartened. To try and alleviate the frustration I want to give you some tools when talking to women in badly fitting bras.


1) Your bra knowledge can be seem quite complex and overwhelming for someone else.

When we're excited about something it's easy to forget that not everyone else feels the same way. If you unleash all your bra knowledge onto someone (who may not have actually asked you to share it with them) they won't be able to take it in and the whole thing will seem daunting rather than liberating so they shut down. When this happens I truly understand that it can be frustrating. Why aren't they whipping off their terrible bra and immersing themselves in the joy of good bra fit?! But getting frustrated and cross with someone isn't going to help bring about positive change.

You have to appreciate that change takes time and during this time your consistent (rather than all at once) bra knowledge can lead to big changes for others. Be enthusiastic about how your bra fit has improved your life "I haven't had those horrible headaches since I started wearing the right bra" or "It has meant so much to me to start running again since I got properly fitted for a sports bra." Leading a bra-healthy life is the best example you can set to other women and inspiration always creates longer lasting change than simply telling someone to do something.

2) Your well-meaning "trust me you're in the wrong bra" can be interpreted as "trust me you're wrong" or "trust me, you're an idiot" and no one likes to be told they're wrong or stupid.

The frustration we feel when someone is in the wrong bra is born out of the knowledge that they will be so much happier in the right bra and we want them to be happy because we care about them. Be careful though, it's important not to turn that desire to share joy into making someone else feel bad. One thing I know for certain is that you have to be READY to change your bra fit.

Related Article: The Mental Leap from the Wrong Bra to the Right One

You cannot tell someone else when they are ready for better bra fit, so instead of coercing someone into a bra fitting make yourself available. For example, "Any time you want me to come with you to get a fitting, I'll be there." or "If you ever want me to help you work out your fit and buy some bras to try on at home you only have to ask, I'll have the martinis and measuring tape ready!" Making yourself open rather than appearing frustrated means that when the women in your life are ready to change their bra fit they trust that you will be there and trust that you won't judge them. 

3) You never know how someone's emotional history and self-esteem are bound to their body. 

This is the most important one. We are all a product of our experiences and if you grew up without any bra education then you may have internalized the discomfort, embarrassment and frustration of your ill-fitting bras into something being wrong with you. Avoiding sports, altering what you wear to hide your bust, shying away from public speaking or being noticed in general can stem from years of being in the wrong bra. Many women associate clothing of all types to be a measure of how 'wrong' their body is and so trying on bras will just be another occasion where they feel bad about themselves. Being confronted with lots of bra fitting advice can trigger body insecurity for lots of women.

You may read their reluctance to go bra shopping as stubbornness or stupidity but you have to remember that you don't know that woman's relationship with her body and specifically her breasts. I encounter lots of well-meaning young women berating their Mums for not wearing a better bra and I'm afraid it just won't bring about change. I always suggest that you start with baby steps and build up to a bra fitting with confidence first. It can take years to give someone the confidence to address their bra size so don't get disheartened but instead be part of that woman's journey. Give her the tools to believe she is worth supporting, mentally and physically and let her know that when she's ready to get her bust into a bra that's worthy of her, you'll be there.

Related Articles: These two personal stories of finding the courage to face bra fitting would be good recommendations for someone nervous about trying new bras. Layla's Story and Claudia's Story

I know it can be agonizing to see someone wearing a bra that is obviously painful and unflattering but I also know that you can't make someone prioritize their bra fit (and it's not your responsibility to get other women into the right bra). It's very important we don't segregate women into 'women in the right bras' and 'women wearing the wrong bras' or even more starkly put 'right women' and 'wrong women'. Great bra fit is for everyone we're all just at different stages of our bra journey. The women you know wearing the wrong bras are fortunate that they have you in their lives for when they're ready to take the next step in their bra journey xx

Bras: Entertainment vs Supporting Breasts

North America has a very confusing relationship with bras. On the one hand we see them everywhere in advertising, music videos etc and accept this as the norm. On the other hand we are embarrassed by our breasts (large and small) and are shy to talk about how bras should fit, how they impact our health and how they make us feel.

Images of lingerie have become so commonplace in our society that we think nothing of seeing a magazine cover with a lingerie-clad celebrity staring at us while we buy our groceries and yet many of us are too shy to go for a bra fitting. I think it's very healthy to express yourself through lingerie but the enormous disconnect between images of women in lingerie and a huge percentage of North American women feeling embarrassed by their breasts and bras worries me.

Do women feel empowered by the juxtaposition of lingerie and sport or is it a flimsy marketing ploy?

So why is lingerie so acceptable in the entertainment sphere but shrouded in embarrassment in relation to its actual job, supporting breasts? Somewhere along the line we undermined the importance of the bra and it has been relegated to a marketing tool. Something like the Lingerie Football League can belittle the importance of bras because the lingerie is there as a gimmick to attract media attention. The trivialization of bras through well-worn 'sex sells' advertising, like the cringe-worthy Pussycat Dolls GoDaddy Superbowl commercial in 2012, undermines the core purpose of bras - to support our breasts!

I think many women have disassociated lingerie with real life and relegated it to an airbrushed world where lingerie is just for show because the gulf is huge between bras used in entertainment and bras that need to support us every single day. The Victoria's Secret Angel in American Flag wings has little relevance to the 34GG mother of three in Ohio whose bra has to withstand a constant workout, stay in place, be comfortable and make her feel beautiful.

This image could be empowering if bra fit knowledge and confidence were commonplace. Sadly this bra doesn't fit the model (wires resting on breast tissue at the center) so it seems to suggest bra fit is secondary to entertainment.

The Victoria's Secret Show has become a highlight of the annual TV schedule raking in millions of viewers and advertising dollars. The event keeps getting bigger and bigger and yet the fundamental fitting issues at Victoria's Secret boutiques are legendary. What use is a bra if it doesn't fit? You'll look great if you get caught in a surprise runway show?! The lack of attention to fit in the VS Runway Show reinforces the idea that fit isn't as important as looking a certain way. The Hollywood tinted lens through which we see lingerie can alienate women who self-elect that their bodies are too big, too small, too different to be worthy of confidence let alone beautiful, well-fitting lingerie. 

I don't think that lingerie needs to be eradicated from our entertainment sphere, however, I think we need a considerable redressing of the balance to bring the bra back to the real world. We need to make talking about bras and good fit as commonplace as pop stars dancing up a storm in their basques. If you've never had a conversation with the women in your life about if they feel happy and confident in their bras then I urge you to start that conversation. Let's take back the bra and make sure it's doing the job it was intended for, supporting breasts. If you need help working out your best fit then our Free Fitting Services is a great place to start xx

First Video Blog Post!

Hi Everyone - a very quick post to let you know that my first video blog entry is up. I'll be creating these every couple of weeks to add some context to the things I write about here as well as highlighting great bra and boob articles from around the web.

I'll also cover bra fitting issues as well as answering specific customer and reader questions that arise in the week. I hope you find it useful and please let me know if you have any suggestions for things you'd like me to talk about. Happy Friday! xx

Big Boob Phobia!

I am afraid of clowns. I think they have machetes in their trouser-legs and they kill people who go to the circus. The logical side of my brain says there's probably a very small percentage of weapon-wielding, murderous funny-men but nonetheless I feel like crying when I see one. Perhaps the reason so many women have hang-ups about wearing a bra over a D cup is that they are actually suffering from Pectorusgiganticus; Fear of Big Boobs! (a word I just made up, naturally.)

Joking aside, it never ceases to amaze me how many women are afraid of bra letters over a D cup. It makes no difference what label you put on the ratio between your breast mass and your ribcage measurement (sexy right, that's what your bra size refers to) your boobs are still going to be that volume. Letter Phobia doesn't stop your boobs are spilling out of your bra or bouncing around so it's worthwhile getting educated about bra fit and what bra sizes actually mean.

Over several decades we have built up layers of phobias around boobs; women with big boobs are bimbos or promiscuous and they can't play sports or be pain-free. These phobias stem partly from a misogynistic language that keeps women feeling guilty about their bodies (but that's a topic for a whole other dissertation!) and partly from years of dreadful bra fitting knowledge. By fitting knowledge I don't just mean getting a good fitting at a boutique, I mean, being educated about bras.

As we grow up we're educated about periods, why we have them and what to do to manage them as they happen. Imagine never being told why you have periods or how a tampon should feel and work if used correctly. You'd spend your life blindly buying what you thought was best for you and wondering the whole time if there was something wrong with you. This is what we do to young girls about bras. We don't explain that bras should fit snugly at the band, how your cup size is relative to your band size and that breast sizes change regularly (every couple of weeks for some women). If we gave them this knowledge then the phobias around bras would begin to fade away.

It's such an old-fashioned idea that only a professional fitter can tell you about your boobs and bras. Your doctor gives you advice about how to live well (good diet, exercise etc) they don't just prescribe you antacid every time you have heartburn without ever explaining that cutting out fatty foods will stop the problem in the first place. Similarly a good bra-fitter should teach you about your fit, your breast shape, which styles work for you and how to keep an eye on your size. This way you'll understand your breasts and bras and there will be no room for phobia.

I think a lot of women worry that wearing a cup size over a D cup will make them look like they have big boobs. The reality is that a correctly fitting bra will make you look much more contained which makes your boobs look smaller than when they're bashing together somewhere near your waist!

If you think you might be suffering from Pectorusgiganticus then I want you to remember 3 things to try and overcome your phobia:

1) No one else needs to know your bra size so what difference does it make?
2) In the right size bra you won't bounce around or spill out of your cups (the two things that draw the kind of attention that can make you feel uncomfortable)
3) You can take your time but try to keep a piece of your mind open to the possibility that a different bra size could make you feel physically and emotionally better.

To every one of our customers and every reader of this blog I want you to know that you are changing the landscape for future generations of women. By educating yourselves about great bra fit you can pass on that gift and ensure that no-one has to suffer the terrible fear of Big Boobs!! xx

The Price for Chasing Perfection

"I wish I had her boobs; they're so perfect and my boobs are so big and ugly." This is part of a conversation I heard between two young women (late teens early 20s) as they thumbed through a magazine. My heart sank at this statement because it felt like such a waste. This young woman, like millions of others, will spend a good portion of her life chasing a perfection that doesn't exist and the price will be missing out on the beauty and brilliance of her body today. That feels like a waste.

There's no one definition of perfect which makes it even more illusive; how will you know when you have the perfect body, hair, boobs, skin, wardrobe, home, job etc? The commonly held idea that the perfect body looks a certain way doesn't account for whether that body is healthy or happy. There's no hairstyle or waist size on earth that defines health or happiness.  

All these women were told at some point that they didn't have 'the perfect look'. They refused to change their appearance and remained perfectly them.

Big boobs often come under fire for being 'too big' and I've never understood what that means. Too big to be happy or beautiful or athletic or intelligent? I loathe seeing bodies being compared "Are small boobs better than big ones" or "Are skinny bodies better than curvy ones?" It's just so meaningless. It doesn't achieve anything to compare these things it only focuses us on the things that we aren't rather than celebrating the things that we are. When we compare ourselves to a mythical version of perfection we feel lessened. Less than perfect, less than right, just less. How is that helpful?

I wanted to shake the girl on the Skytrain who was berating her healthy, unique and beautiful breasts and say "Do you know how lucky you are? Do you know what it means to lose a breast, to live without a limb or to battle daily with physical pain? Be thankful you have the one perfection you could ever wish for; a body in perfect working order." I know this sounds like old lady preaching but it's so true. We waste so much time worrying about the things we aren't and this means we miss out on enjoying being us, being happy and being now.

This subject was particularly important to me this weekend because Remembrance Sunday is a time I remember friends I have lost both in and out of the military and the bottom line is... life's too short to worry about your size or shape. So let's stop waiting for the perfect backside or perfect boobs and get on with living our lives with joy in the perfectly wonderful and diverse bodies we have. xx

Breast Bullying

October is anti-bullying month and this is a subject close to my heart (my post back in February on Pink Shirt Day struck a chord with many of you). Many of my customers have experienced bullying over their breast size at some point during their life. You may think that this is mostly kids teasing each other during puberty (which of course is rife) however, breast bullying happens in many more places, most dangerously, and sadly, within the family.

Bullying is an invidious weapon that hurts the victim from within. The effects can be experienced for years and affect how you feel about yourself long into adulthood. I think we have an opportunity to change decades of ignorance and bullying so that future generations of girls can grow up without the weight of breast-shame to deal with.

Bullying within the Family
You may be surprised to know that this is the most common form of bullying my clients tell me about. Many are singled out for being the most busty sister or daughter and made to feel that they are somehow 'wrong' in their physique. Perhaps much of this taunting stems from jealousy or insecurity with their own shape (it's much easier to bring other people down than to raise them and yourself up).

Perpetual breast taunting and shaming establishes doubt about the validity of your body and makes young women question if they have done something wrong. This can lead to seeking validation about your body and worth for a long time. A supportive and enlightened family can save a busty teen from years of searching for self-esteem and body acceptance.

Ignoring developing breasts and covering daughters in layers of baggy clothing to hide their figures also contributes to a sense of breast-shame. This passive bullying is to try and force girls into a certain 'mold' that women ought to be. Breasts are still incorrectly linked to morality so many parents think that by making their daughters look as though they don't have breasts it will somehow 'save' them from moral peril. This simply doesn't work. You can teach body-confidence and morality at the same time.

Bullying from the Media
It's well disguised but there is no doubt that women are bullied into feeling they 'should' be something in order to be acceptable. We are bombarded with images and words that narrow the size, shape, colour, height and weight we should be. From the tiny selection of magazine covers below you can see the imbued guilt and shame woven into mass media.

"How Smart Women Lose Weight" because we all know that most of us are just too stupid to be thin. "Fight Flab & Win" because only losers are fat. "My Body After Baby" because let's face it, creating the miracle of life is nothing compared to looking great in a bikini.

Having a great internal compass that says "this is just one way that women can look, there are millions of other ways" allows us to see these women as beautiful but not the only valuable women in our world.

New strategies are coming into effect to stop the runaway train of media weight-dogma. The UK seems to be leading the way with groups like the All Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image who were part of the first Body Confidence Awards recognizing advertisers, authors, websites, individuals and organizations promoting confidence in children and adults. I don't think that governments ought to be left to determine confidence, but we certainly need some consequences for companies who blatantly prey on our insecurities to keep us in a fear-based-buying-cycle.

Internet Bullying
A couple of weeks ago our community here in Greater Vancouver was rocked by the suicide of a young girl after years of relentless bullying via the Internet, phone and in person. A tragic litany of events included a barrage of abuse about the girl's breasts. The complexities of digital communication, young women, breasts and society is a topic for a whole other blog, but this journalist's piece is thought-provoking. We need to start arming our young girls and adults with the education and language to understand their own bodies and to be supportive and accepting of other women's bodies before they start looking for validation and acceptance in a faceless place.

As you've probably figured out by now I think words are powerful and even though they can inflict such dreadful wounds they are also a busty girl's best defense and liberation to live happily and confidently in her beautiful body. By giving the women and girls in your life words of encouragement as well as arming them with the vocabulary to love their own bodies, we can change how future generations of women treat themselves and other women. xx

Self Confidence Sites
http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org/
http://www.2dayswoman.com/health/body-image-part-improve-body-confidence
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

Body Confidence Sites
http://www.stylehasnosize.com
http://www.bodypositive.ca/Home/tabid/121/Default.aspx


Anti-Bullying Sites
http://www.antibullying.net/
http://www.stopabully.ca/