Shopping and Happiness for Busty Teens

Last week we looked at the role of family members in supporting their teen girls about bras and breasts. Thank you to everyone who got in touch to say that the piece struck a chord with their own experiences.

Top Five Things Busty Women Wished They'd Known as Teens
I asked our lovely readers on Facebook and Twitter what they wish they'd known about bras when they were growing up. Here are the top 5 things that came up:

1) How to figure out my size
2) That bras don't stop at a D cup
3) The right size bra doesn't hurt
4) Your bra size changes throughout your life
5) Not to be ashamed of being busty

In this conclusion to the Guide for Parents of Busty Daughters I want to share some practical tips about shopping for bras with your daughter and preparing her for a life with big boobs.

First Bra Shopping Trip
Lots of girls won't realize that they need a bra and so it's important that parents are paying attention to the physical changes in their daughters and don't shy away from the subject just because they can't believe they're growing up - ignoring it won't make it any less true.

Buying bras will possibly be part of her life forever so her first bra shopping trip is a rite of passage. Use this significant event to bond over the 'occasion' of your daughter growing up. Make time for the trip, don't throw a Wal-mart training bra in the cart while picking up groceries. Giving your daughter a sense that her breasts are worth taking care of properly (not as an after thought) will set the tone for her bra shopping attitude.

Viva is a great option for school as it's supportive, pretty and discreet

Age Appropriate Bras
Unless your daughter has a very sudden growth spurt it's unlikely that her very first bra will be a D-K cup. However, don't underestimate how quickly your daughter's bust can change. Many teens need 28-30 backs with D+ cups. I know these are harder to find (which is why I set up Butterfly Collection in the first place) but teaching your daughter that finding the right fit is worthwhile is a great gift. Keeping your daughter in great fitting bras through her breast development will also improve her health and self-esteem.

Bras for teens is different from lingerie for women, in my opinion. Buying sexy, fun and exotic underwear is something wonderful for adult women, however, 11, 12, 13 etc is a time you should still be able to be a kid and have the right support so that you can be active and confident. Here are some tips about age appropriate bras.

Lucy from Cleo is a wonderfully supportive bra that is fun and teen appropriate

Colour/Pattern - For school it's important to have something that is supportive and discreet so basic colours like black, skin-toned (this can be tough to find for all skin-tones but things are changing) and white are useful. Being young doesn't mean your underwear can't be fun. Fun is different from sexy. It breaks my heart to see 12 year olds in leopard print plunge bras because you have so much time as an adult to consider your sexual side, but you have so little time to just be a kid. I think Cleo has some great age appropriate bras in bright colours, fun pattern and mostly importantly, good support.

Stretch lace panels like this one on Faye from Freya allows for some size fluctuation as your daughter develops

Shape - When your body is changing you need as much support as you can get. To make your dollar go further look for bras with a quantity of stretch lace in the cup. This will give your daughter some growing room. Three part bras (bras where the cups are made of three pieces of material rather than one) are good for increased support.

A good sports bra, like this one from Enell can keep your daughter participating in sports. A great investment in her health.

Sports - EVERY girl should have a sports bra. I know these can be a little more expensive but you are investing in the longevity of her health and that's worth it. Ensuring that your daughter has the right support to participate in sport is vital for a healthy body, mind and relationship with her breasts.

Preparing Your Daughter for Being a Busty Girl
Whether you were a busty teen or not you probably have memories of kids teasing you. Busty women remember being teased or leered after by boys and being called names and teased by smaller busted girls. Being busty can make you feel like an outsider. Giving your daughter the right bras will eliminate the physical discomfort many busty teens experience but you also need to give her the emotional tools to deal with the other stuff.

I asked my Mum how she prepared for having busty daughters (with her own award-winning bust it was highly likely that my sister or I - or both - would have a larger bust). She said "You can't stop other people being idiots, you can only prepare your daughter to know how to spot one." This is the key. Your daughter needs to know that if other people feel the need to comment on her bust then that's their problem and not hers.

Self-Esteem
This is one of the most important things I write about. If you feel happy, confident and worthy then it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of your shape. Self-esteem is the bedrock of allowing your daughter to concentrate on being her rather than searching for a manufactured way to fit in. If she's busty the chances are she'll always be busty so the sooner she comes to love her body, the longer she'll be happy.

One of our readers once commented "I am proud to be me because of and despite of my bust." I love this comment because it sums up great self-esteem. You don't have to hide your bust and you don't have to be defined by it. Helping your daughter to love the uniqueness and beauty of her body alongside the fabulousness of her actions, thoughts and talents is the key to balance.

I hope these two blog posts have given you some ideas for making life easier and happier for your busty teens. Boobs are a life-long journey and as with all things, if you get a good start the journey is so much easier. xx

A Guide for Parents of Busty Daughters

Many of the women I come into contact with talk about how there was little or no dialogue around breasts when they were growing up. Thousands, if not millions, of women in North America are left to figure out their breasts and bra fit over decades. This time can be fraught with doubt, self-criticism and both physical and emotional pain that could have been prevented with early bra education and support. The emotional and physical changes involved in developing breasts can be a daunting experience made much easier by an informed and supportive family.

The World Your Daughter Lives In
The reality of our world today is that we are exposed to more body commentary than ever before. Here is a pretty staggering statistic:

"By the time they're 17, girls have seen 250,000 TV commercials telling them they should be a decorative object, sex object or a body size they can never achieve."

When we live in a world where you daughter is being bombarded with other people's ideas of how she should look it's even more important to instill a confidence that will allow her to be herself and be happy. I really like this resource pack for parents to start talking about body image, women in commercials, dieting and Photoshop.  

Why is it important to have a dialogue around breasts with your daughter?
It's not an overstatement to say that your early experiences around bras and breasts form a significant part of the foundation of your adult relationship with your body. Giving your daughter the language and tools to understand and support herself (physically and emotionally) can have a positive effect on her self-esteem, confidence, health and happiness.

Understand Your Own Bra History
Before you can help your daughter through her developing years, it's important to know your own bra history.

Busty Moms - If you were a busty teen and/or are a busty adult then you have some empathy about what your daughter is experiencing. It's worth writing a list of things that you remember being hard (sports, teasing, shopping etc) to give you a frame reference for the challenges your daughter might face.

If you were fortunate enough to have a parent who understood the importance of a well-fitting bra then you will have a good idea of what that meant to you. For most women there wasn't a lot of conversation around bras and breasts (it may even have been a subject shrouded in shame or embarrassment). You will know how this made you feel - you have the chance to change this cycle of shame for your daughter.

Smaller Busted Moms - You may not have been a busty teen (or a busty adult) but you have a daughter who is developing larger breasts. This can be daunting for some Moms because they don't have experience in dealing with larger breasts.

The first thing to remember is that your daughter's development is completely normal. Girls are developing breasts earlier and larger (for reasons including increased calcium in our diets, hormone changes in the food chain, increased use of the contraceptive pill).

There are many experiences you can share with your daughter no matter how big your breasts are and these create the bond of womanhood between the two of you. Here's one pearl of wisdom from my own Mum that let me know I was now a woman and part of an exclusive club:

"Women have to go through a lot so we should always have great bras and shoes to support us on the journey."

Knowledge is the key to effective communication so it's worth getting to know busty resources and finding other women who can help you support your daughter (I'll explain this more in the next section.)

The Dove Self-Esteem Project Relies on Role Models

Moms, Dads, Aunts, Friends, Grandmothers Can All Be Role Models
The best way we learn how to be proud of our bodies is to see people we love and respect being role models. You don't have to be busty to be a role model.

Moms - I know this is a tough question to ask but are you positive about your own body? Regardless of what size or shape you are, your daughter is looking at you to learn how to feel about herself by seeing how you treat yourself. We all have bad hair days, bad wardrobe days, bad "why are my hips still growing" days, but it's important to have more "I have a great smile", "I love wearing my favourite colour, "I love being tall/petite/curvy/athletic" days. By being positive about you, learning to accept a compliment and celebrating more than just your physicality your daughter will learn to see herself as more than just a body.

In the bra department the first thing you can do to be a great role model is wear the correct bra size. No matter what size you are, wearing the correct bra size (and knowing what correct bra size means) gives your daughter a tangible example of what wearing the right bra looks like. If you don't know what correct bra fit is then I recommend these articles:

Your Boobs Tell You When You Need a New Bra
Not All D Cups Are The Same
Bra Myths
7 Ways To Tell If Your Bra Fits

Dads - You may think that bras and boobs are not your department, but you have a big role to play. You may not be able to advise on your favourite cup style but you can be instrumental in building your daughter's confidence. If you have a busty daughter the reality is  that in her life she's going to encounter some moronic males who will consider it their right to comment on her bust. From the leering, to disgusting to offensive comments your daughter will need to know that this is not how true gentlemen treat women. You can be the yardstick for how she'll let men treat her, so treat her with respect and celebration and she will build a layer of self-respect that the moronic comments bounce off.

She needs you to let her know that she can be proud of her figure but not defined by it. I know that the length of my skirts gave my father heart palpitations from time to time, but he never made me feel ashamed of my figure always complimenting me on how smart, or colourful, or beautiful I looked.

Encouraging good bra support can also keep girls in sports (a horrifying number of girls drop out of sports because they are ashamed of their bust). Too many women tell me that they enjoyed playing sports with their fathers until their bodies began to change and then Dad became embarrassed. You can literally improve your daughter's health and happiness by taking the need for great sports bras seriously. You can do this simply by encouragement, acknowledgement or paying! It's being part of the conversation that matters.

For some Dads they are the sole parent and all aspects of growing up fall to him. For those Dads who have lost their partner to breast cancer the subject of bras and breasts can be doubly difficult. Here are some resources for lone Dad's bringing up daughters:

National Fatherhood Initiative
Fathers Raising Daughters
About.com Article
Daddymoms

Wider Family and Friends - I love the African proverb "It takes a village to raise a child". We are always stronger together and this applies to bras and breasts. If there are other members of your family or close friends who have a good relationship with your daughter, ask them to support you in positive conversations around body image, bra support and body diversity. If you're not a particularly busty Mom but your best friend is then enlist her help to empathize with your daughter and give her some shopping, fit, health or confidence tips.

Communication is the key to instilling the confidence your daughter will need as a busty teen and adult. If you know you have your own hang-ups about bras and boobs then now is the time that you can start to address them so you don't perpetuate the cycle of bra misery and shame for your daughter. Replace the sadness and frustration with joy and freedom. Check back next week for the conclusion to this guide. As always I love to hear your feedback, stories and suggestions. xx

A Boob Thank You for Mother’s Day

My friends know that I am a big fan of my Mum (fondly referred to by many as “The Sue”) not only do we look and sound very similar; she’s also one of the funniest people I know. If you’re a regular reader then you’ll know that The Sue was a significant figure in my decision to start selling bras for full bust women in Canada. I wanted to give other women the feeling of pride about their curves that my Mum gave me. With the UK Mother’s Day coming up I wanted to share with you some of my favourite Boob Stories as the daughter of a big bosomed legend!

As I’ve talked about before, my first bra shopping trip with my Mum was a distinctly grown up affair where we went into town, just the two of us, and stopped for lunch (like ladies do!) She didn’t rush me and talked about how becoming a woman is a wonderful thing but that being descended from busty Welsh women it was likely I’d grow to need some hefty bras. That being the case I should ALWAYS have the bras that I felt great in. Never scrimp on being well supported and feeling good in your bra – good advice! My Mum introduced me to a fabulous bra fitter, Jill who is still my bra fitter! 

The reality of being big-boobed is that it’s pretty funny at times. On my first date with Mr Butterfly I dropped popcorn down my cleavage and dare not retrieve it until we’d parted ways. I called The Sue to tell her and she said “a lady never flinches when she has trapped food in her cleavage!”  On another occasion I was telling my Mum that I’d reached across the lunch table and knocked a bottle of ketchup over with one rogue boob, she told me it was genetic as she’d reached over the breakfast table to pour out more coffee then leaned back in her chair to find a jam lid stuck to her boob!

I’m very fortunate that I’ve got a 24/7, 365 days a year cheerleader who reminds me that life’s a funny ol’ game and that boobs are worth a chuckle now and again. Keeping a sense of humour about boobs, has helped me to stay happy and confident about my shape. Thank you Mum for all your support, in oh so many ways! Love you xx