5 Things You Shouldn't Say To A Busty Woman

If you have a large bust then at some time in your life chances are someone has commented on them, maybe passed judgement on them or asked you about them. This happens to a lot of women regardless of their bust size but for women with larger breasts these questions can be frequent, repetitive, boring and upsetting. Here are 5 things that you should never say to a busty woman:

"You're so lucky!"
We don't know how to respond to this. "Sure, I love that my genetics gave me lucky big boobs." Are we lucky that our breasts attract a lot of sexual harassment and judgement? Are we lucky that it's hard to find clothes and bras that fit? Are we lucky that large breasts can be hot and painful and cumbersome? This can be a very confusing statement for someone who doesn't like their large bust and even if we're completely happy with our breasts they still require effort so please don't tell us we're lucky.

"Oh, your poor back!"
Millions of women with large breasts don't have back pain so don't assume that we do as though our breasts are a problem. Most women find that with proper bra fit (which invariably means firm band and smooth cups) that they don't get any back pain.

"Can I touch them?"

No. No you can't. I am always amazed by this one. Touching another person's body, any part of their body, is at their invitation and consent. Just because large breasts may be a novelty to you does not mean our breasts are an amusement park.

"I'd hate to have breasts that big"
Well then, lucky for you that you don't. This kind of unwarranted comment is such an insult. You don't have to like or want larger breasts but you also don't have to share your opinion with other people, especially those people who have larger breasts and may actually like their body. Say this to someone who is struggling with their body image and you've inflicted a really painful and damaging blow so just don't say it.

"How do you sleep/run/swim/lie down/function with those things?"
My first instinct is "None of your business" unless it's someone struggling to come to accept and manage their own large bust. Every person has their own physical story and manages their life accordingly. Large breasts can require some management for how you lie down and run etc, but how each person manages that is their own business and does not need to be explained to others.

Even if you know someone really well asking these kinds of questions or making these remarks can leave a person feeling self-conscious. Every woman is SO much more than her breasts so don't reduce someone to this one physical feature with irrelevant, invasive and stupid boob comments. xx

Don't Tell Me I Should Hate my Breasts!

Last week there was an article in The Hufffington Post (originally posted on Literally, Darling) that really irritated me. The two authors were bemoaning the problems and effects of growing and having larger breasts. This is a subject that is very real and many women with large breasts will feel some empathy with what the writers have to say. What bugs me is that the article (and many others like it) assume that ALL large breasted women are unhappy, in pain and lack confidence. What a load of rubbish! Besides being a happy, large busted woman I also know many women who are very happy and comfortable in their large breasts. The article in the Huffington Post implied that women like me are almost deluded because happiness, confidence and comfort simply don't apply to busty women.

There are a few stereotypes that get trotted out in articles about large breasts and I think we need to start taking them with a huge pinch of salt because they undermine the goal of stomping out big boob stereotypes. I want to address a few things written in the article:

"They (big boobs) dominate your whole life"
When you understand which sizes and styles of bras are right for your breasts many women can get on with their busy and varied lives without thinking about their breasts. My 32GG bust does not weigh on my mind when I'm working out in my Enell sports bra, they don't bug me when I'm out for dinner in my Idina plunge, and they behave themselves all day in my array of full coverage and balconette bras. They don't dominate my life because I have learned how to support and dress them in a way that makes me comfortable and happy.

"...and attempting to get guys to look above our chin when they talked to us."
There is a social assumption that every male is looking at big boobs with lecherous intent. Not only is this not true it also doesn't apply solely to big boobs. Those males who are only capable of looking at a woman's chest will do so whether you've got a little or a lot of boob, the problem lies with the man and not the cup size. This generalization also does a disservice to all the men who respect women, are interested in their thoughts and actions just as much (if not more) than how they look. This point is a whole other post but sufficed to say many people, men and women, are looking us in the face and we shouldn't dismiss them along with the stereotype.

"the giant girls sag from the sheer weight and flip-flop about in pretty much the least sexy way possible. Not a great visual, right?"
So much about this bothers me. Who the hell decides what's sexy? My breasts don't stay up by themselves, they haven't for years, they move about when not supported and not only do I feel sexy in my body I happen to love the natural shape and movement of my breasts so how dare you tell me it's not a great visual!

"Remember that we are just as insecure with ourselves as women who only need a camisole. We carry our own (very heavy) insecurities every day, too. Like everyone else, we learn how to cope with our own body image issues. You either hide behind giant clothing and pretend your breasts aren't the first thing anyone sees, or you learn to break the ice, make the first joke and just acknowledge the elephant(s) in the room. Because if you don't, someone else will."

Aghghghghgghgh!!!! Firstly, not every woman feels daily insecurities about her body and they're not delusional narcissists, they are women who have other priorities, have a self-confidence they can rely on and women who have dispensed with being told to feel insecure.

You absolutely have more options than wearing baggy clothing or self-deprecating humour. Your breasts are not 'elephants' that need to be belittled in order to make other people feel better. You are the sum of many parts and your breasts are only one part and to the people in this world who truly care for you, you will never have to justify or hide this part of you.

I know that for a long time to come we will continue to see articles like this which only serve to keep busty women in a vicious cycle of self-loathing and fear. As you know a huge part of what we do at Butterfly Collection is build knowledge and confidence as well as your bra drawer so please don't feel like you should feel embarrassed or ashamed about your bust simply because you're busty, it's a load of nonsense!! xx

Diversity in Lingerie - Diversity in Life

On Tuesday August 21st 2013 June, from Braless in Brasil, launched a campaign called #DiversityinLingerie. Posting a picture of herself in her beautiful post-babies--over 30--a life fully led--stretch marks--and--skin glory June reminds us that we don't see enough physical diversity in lingerie. This means lingerie brands, catwalk shows and retailers don't use a diverse range of models to promote and demonstrate their styles which means millions of women are not represented in an industry for women. We are gradually seeing more plus size models as part of mainstream lingerie marketing but what about women of colour, varying abilities, gender, stretch marks/scars, tattoos, amputees, heights?

I'm not qualified to speak on most of these subjects, however, trail blazers like The Lingerie Addict and The Lingerie Lesbian are creating forums in which women can learn, empathize and be empowered. By challenging preconceptions and highlighting pioneering brands like Kiss Me Deadly and Chrysalis Lingerie, these bloggers aim to make diversity in lingerie a reality. This is not going to be an overnight achievement and from consumer expectations to marketing execution there is a long way to go to bring about true diversity in lingerie promotion.

I wanted to contribute to this conversation about what Diversity in Lingerie means to me. My primary interest as both a bra fitter and blogger is understanding a busty woman's relationship with her body/breasts and giving her the knowledge to feel confident, beautiful and peaceful. What I've come to know is that the diversity of women's relationships with lingerie is vast. How women identify with lingerie, how they use it, what they want from it, how it makes them feel, these are the diversities that I am keenly focused on. 

I am 100% behind the purpose to encourage more physical representation and diversity in lingerie promotion. I would add to this that I would love to see more diversity in the portrayal of women's relationships with lingerie (I elaborated on this in a recent article for The Lingerie Addict). The majority of advertising and marketing we see around lingerie positions it as a delicacy, a thing to be enjoyed in isolation, but lingerie is for life! Lingerie is not an option for some, it's essential for many women to lead their lives confidently and comfortably.

I would love to see a greater diversity in the portrayal of life in lingerie. Here of some of my clients' relationships with lingerie:
1) Roller Derby girls who want bold patterns in designs that can withstand extreme sports.
2) Post-surgery women (some of whom are facing months of recovery) who want more sizes and variation in post operative bras.
3) Nursing Moms who are learning how to fend off social commentary, gain confidence in their new role and body as well as physically manage the rigors of breastfeeding.
4) Professional sports women who are defying the big boob stereotypes and sexism they encounter to pursue their profession with breast support and confidence.
5) Emergency workers who need extreme support during their days but want the diversity of colour and design that lesser impact bras take for granted.
6) Women over 75 with heavy busts whose bone density has changed considerably. Their desire for elegant and beautiful lingerie has not changed but the design and support of their bras is very different from a 22 year old's.

The #DiversityinLingerie campaign is insightful, powerful and inspiring and I hope you take time to read some, if not all, of these posts. Women are as diverse in nature and purpose as we are in looks and physicality. Our diversity is fascinating and beautiful and we can learn a great deal from it. xx

Braless in Brasil
The Breast Life
The Lingerie Addict
Thin and Curvy
Bras and Body Image
Les Gros Bonnets
Wide Curves
Fussy Busty
Under the Unders
Kurvendiskussionen
Curvy Wordy
The Absurd Curvy Nerd
The Full Figured Chest
Muscular Hourglass

About these ads

Posts that are live:
Braless in Brasil
Les Gros Bonnet
Wide Curves
By Baby's Rules
Kurvendiskussionen
The Full Figured Chest
Curvy Wordy
Under the Unders
Muscular Hourglass
The Absurd Curvy Nerd
The Lingerie Addict
Bras and Body Image
Thin and Curvy
Anytime Yoga
Pretty Big Bras - See more at: http://www.bralessinbrasil.com/2013/08/diversityinlingerie.html#sthash.6eag3Rfd.dpuf

Lindsay's Story: Bras and Bralessness

The biggest reward in this job is when a customer gets in touch to say that she is so inspired by her correctly fitting bra that she wrote a blog post about it! Lindsay writes about how her new found bra fit wove together bralessness, liberation and happiness xx

Property of Busty Girl Comics

"Some of my friends have these marvelous little breasts and when they don’t feel like it, they don’t wear bras. In public. For them, bralessness is liberating. I guess it’s liberating for me, too, but less like sexy radical and more like undoing your pants after Christmas dinner. I mean, I look good naked, but a shirt without a bra creates a depressing optical illusion. The world and I are not ready for that kind of radical.

But my concerns are not just aesthetic. Bralessness is an uncomfortable and impractical option. This fact seems to have been overlooked by some feminists, who I assume are modestly endowed. Famous feminist, Germaine Greer said, “Bras are a ludicrous invention.” I used to say this too, but Germaine and I meant different things. I said it as I tried on cheap bra after cheap bra, while I tugged at the band and fussed with the straps. Germaine meant that bras are an oppressive tool of patriarchy. 

"Lucy is one of my favourite-ever bras"

When you have big boobs the woes of an ill-fitting bra are oppressive but a well-fitting bra is totally liberating. In a good bra you can do the things you want to do without discomfort or worry. Lucy is one of my favourite-ever bras for this reason. It’s supportive and majorly minimizes the horrible boob sweat that so many other bras engender (particularly molded cups). Don’t be afraid of soft cup wired bras! (I know Claire tells you this all the time, but as a convert and former La Senza victim, I really want to urge you to give it a shot. Actually, give it a lot of shots, because it took me a while to get used to them too and now I’m in love.) And it actually makes my boobs look smaller too! Or rather, their actual, natural size.

Now that it’s finally warm out, I’ve been riding my bike everywhere. It’s glorious. The other day it was particularly warm out and I was riding my bike wearing my Lucy bra and this breezy top and I could feel the wind on my breasts. Woah. It hadn’t even occurred to me that in a molded cup bra the rest of my skin could feel the breeze but not my boobs. My boobs were free, and I was free thanks to the support of an awesome bra. Now that’s liberating."

First Video Blog Post!

Hi Everyone - a very quick post to let you know that my first video blog entry is up. I'll be creating these every couple of weeks to add some context to the things I write about here as well as highlighting great bra and boob articles from around the web.

I'll also cover bra fitting issues as well as answering specific customer and reader questions that arise in the week. I hope you find it useful and please let me know if you have any suggestions for things you'd like me to talk about. Happy Friday! xx

How to keep your breasts cool in hot weather

I love the warm weather, especially having any excuse to wear sleeveless dresses with ruffles and bows! I have learned though that the heat can play havoc with my boobs unless I have them well prepared. It's no good looking fantastic in your summer outfit and having hot, uncomfortable, clammy boobs. The first thing to do is protect your delicate breast skin from the sun. I love the Morning Glow moisturizer from Clean and Clear because it has an SPF15 and a light shimmer. A light moisturizer will actually help your boobs breath and expel heat so you don't get sweaty.

The SPF is really important and will protect against prematurely wrinkly skin caused by over exposure to the sun. The Clean and Clear range also keeps any pesky pimples away so your decolletage remains spotless!

Wearing anything cotton will help to keep your body cool because the fabric is breathable and actually pulls moisture away from the skin allowing it to evaporate naturally before you get sweaty - clever! A bra with a high cotton content is a good idea for anyone who overheats easily or gets skin irritations. A high cotton content bra will keep your girls cool in the hottest weather.

Trapped moisture anywhere near your boobs is a bad idea so a trusty deodorant is essential. I have very sensitive skin so there are only a few brands that I can use. One Canadian brand that I LOVE is Rocky Mountain Soap Company. They have a geranium deodorant that is effective but gentle. Their range is a little more expensive but so worth it.

My last tip is for the long-haired ladies out there. As the temperature rises your body gets oilier to compensate for the rapid drying of your skin. Oily hair resting against your cleavage can cause irritations and pimples so besides keeping your hair away from your chest it's a good idea to keep your hair oil free. I love the dry shampoo from Klorane. It's the perfect way to keep your hair oil free without having to wash it every day (which can actually make it more oily as your skin overcompensates for the drying effect of shampoo). A great touch-up for your hair after the beach or the gym and a great help on in-between washes days.

I hope these cool boob tips help you feel at your booby best this summer xx