Empowering Websites for Girls

A big part of my job is helping women identify and let go of the big boob baggage they've been carrying around for years. Bullying at school, shaming within the family and teen self esteem issues can all leave women carrying around self-doubt and insecurity for decades. Great adult confidence starts with experiencing diverse and empowering toys, stories, adventures and mentors as a child.

Here are some of my favourite websites with resources to help you raise or encourage a girl in your life...
Books, Toys and Entertainment
http://www.amightygirl.com/
http://towardthestars.com/

Clothing
http://www.girlscantwhat.com/
http://www.pigtailpals.com/
http://www.amightygirl.com/ 
http://towardthestars.com/

Mentoring
http://www.mygirltalk.org/
http://www.girlsforachange.org/

International Projects
https://www.w4.org/en/
http://www.girlup.org/
http://www.girleffect.org/

Career Help and Inspiration
http://www.sheheroes.org/
http://www.cagis.ca/ 

Your Bra Past Doesn't Have to Dictate Your Bra Future

Today writer and Butterfly Collection client, Justina Luther, shares her experience of overcoming her bra past for a brighter bra future. 

"What was your first experience with bras? Was it happy, sad, comical or humiliating? For me it was the last option. Thankfully the past doesn’t have to dictate your future. When I was ten years old my chest was developing without my knowledge and I was surrounded by bra ignorance. A scenario with which I’m sure many of you are familiar.

I was a tomboy who took choir and drama classes. During a drama class in the midst of friends, and my crush, my drama teacher called me to the front of the group and told me everyone could see my boobs and I needed to go put on a bra. That was my first jarring and humiliating introduction to my developing bust and the world of bras.

For a long time I wore a bra because it was necessary but ignored it as much as possible. My back hurt, my band rode up and my boobs spilled out as I continued to change sizes but because of my drama teacher’s harsh words I was intimidated by bras and was scared to address the issues or ask my parents for help. I continued with this attitude for years.

Two years ago I decided something had to be done, so I went to be fitted. While the fit was somewhat better, and the bras were nice, I quickly realized the size was again wrong. Being the research hound I am I decided to search the internet for better information. After learning a great deal about bras and breasts I realized bras were not devices contrived to torture me but were actually there to help me.

I stumbled onto Butterfly Collection’s online boutique and decided to do a Skype Fitting with Claire. She was so kind and quickly saw the issues I knew I had, but hadn’t understood what caused them. She suggested a size for me but told me to try 2-3 sizes around it because what was comfortable to me might be different from the size a tape measure recommended. This was the first time someone consciously told me I had control over saying what fit was right for me. That thought was empowering.

In my journey to love the body I have there have been highs and lows and the highs have always been the result of seeking knowledge and taking control over my body image. The first thing I did after I dared to find my right fit was to find a bra (in the right size) I wanted to wear because I thought it was cute! Claudette has some beautiful designs in 30FF and so does Fantasie.

I used to hate my bras, and to an extent my boobs, but our past doesn’t dictate our future and the lies we’ve been told can be overcome with wisdom. Every woman, no matter what’s in her past, deserves a bra that brings her confidence and comfort."

Justina Luther is a lifetime author with a passion for people. Whether it’s her current work, a suspense titled Would You Have Believed Me? or her personal experience short story titled GED=OMG, which was published in Beginnings XIV, she puts her heart into every word she writes. Justina believes words can change the world. She is currently an author on the exciting new blog When Readers Write. To read more of her work, visit www.whenreaderswrite.com

Finding Your Bra Fit in Your 50s

Today we have a guest post from one of our customers (not featured in the picture above) who has had a bra revolution and awakening in her 50s. This is something we encounter every week as women who have never had access to bras over a DD cup start to discover they have options that can make a huge difference to their life.

"I am 58 years old and have worn a bra every day for the last 47 years so you would think that I know what I am doing when it comes to buying a bra. Not so! My Mom chose my first bras because I developed so young so I just went along with the beige contraptions she gave me. In my teens I got a weekend job and bought bras I thought looked nice but didn't really fit. By the time I got into young adulthood I felt like my boobs were out of my control.

In my twenties I had my children and my boobs ballooned which meant I had zero choices for a correctly fitting bra (I probably needed something like a 32HH, which I'm sure didn't exist at the time, but I sure wasn't in that size, more like a 42DDD). We had very little money during those early years and raising a young family meant I wasn't thinking about finding better bra fit so I just struggled on in badly fitting, beige bras. This went on for so long that I just believed all bras were uncomfortable and ugly.

Spending years in the wrong bra size has resulted in both my shoulders having deep grooves which will be a permanent reminder of my lack of care and knowledge when it came to choosing bras. Before I knew it, menopause arrived and I had another shift in the size and shape of my boobs which left me loathing my boobs all over again. Thank goodness at this point one of my friends stepped in and said that she had done a Skype Fitting with Butterfly Collection and felt good in her bras for the first time in her life. I was really nervous about talking about my bra fit with a stranger but Claire's advice was friendly, easy to understand and life changing! I found out I was a 36J or 36JJ depending on the style. It took a little while to get my head around these new sizes - I'd never heard of a 36JJ before. Once I tried on a 36JJ Elomi Eva (4 band sizes smaller than the 44G I had been wearing) it was a HUGE REVELATION! 

In my 50's, I have discovered that I still have a decent set of boobs that look good in the right bra and make me look more put together. I have always been 'top heavy' but now they look more in proportion to the rest of my body because my new bras actually make me look a bit smaller - maybe that's because they're higher on my body and more contained. All of that is great and beneficial to my breast health but on top of that I get to wear bras in gorgeous colours and fabrics for the first time in my life.

"It takes a very long time to believe that you deserve great lingerie even though you are not in the first flush of youth."

I have been told that I have good strong thick hair. I like to look after it and have it cut and styled regularly to keep it that way. Only in my 50's did I realize that I could apply the same criteria to my boobs. It takes a very long time to come to beleive that you deserve great lingerie even though you are not in the first flush of youth. It also takes a time to allow yourself a bra treat just because you like the colour or the style and not because you have just thrown out something you have worn for far too long. So now I have bras for work and bras for different clothing rather than a 'one size fits all' type of bra. I love what I wear beneath my clothes now and it makes me feel 50s fabulous!"

Why My Daughters Won't Have My Maternity Bra Nightmares

This week's blog is a guest post from one of our customers who found her best bra fit in her 50s and has become a Bra Fit Evangelist. In her guest post she highlights the physical and emotional difference between her maternity bra shopping experience in the 1970s and the choices available to her daughters today.

"When I was pregnant in the 70s I was looking forward to everything that came with pregnancy. Buying things for the baby and maternity clothes for me to proudly show off my ‘bump’ and of course I’d need to get some bras for my larger pregnancy boobs. Getting things for the baby was exciting and fun but shopping for maternity clothes and bras was a wasteland for busty Moms-to-be.

I had always been busty and as a teenager had my fair share of doom and gloom in the fitting room. Bras over a D cup were hard to find in the 1960s but I naively thought that my pregnancy bra choices would be better. Surely there would be bigger cups available for pregnant and nursing Moms.

I was so sad to discover that there was only white or beige in one basic style (if you can call it a style) with almost industrial cups and straps and the cups still didn’t go above a D, they just got bigger in the band. I used to call them my ‘parachutes’ as they felt worthy of army manoeuvres. At only 23 years of age I was wearing bras that an 80 year old would find uninspiring. To accommodate my cup volume I had to wear a 42E and it made me feel huge, ancient and uncomfortable. Knowing what I do now I should have been in a 34GG or even a 32H.

A nursing/maternity bra like Sophie is essential in small bands and large cup volumes for busty women

With an ever changing body and serious breast weight the 42E bras did nothing to support me and so my pregnancies became times that I struggled most with my breasts. Pregnancy is such a special time and there are so many new things happening to you that you need and DESERVE bras that fit you and support you. You don’t want to be distracted by straps digging in and a sore neck when there are so many more amazing things happening like your baby’s first movements.

Happily for my daughters, there is now a wealth of choice in maternity/nursing lingerie. Smaller bands and cups up to a K add over 100 sizes than were available during my pregnancies. The band support is so important so it makes me really happy to know that busty Moms today don’t have to compromise on band support in order to get the cup volume. I wish I’d had beautiful choices because on those days when you are exhausted from sleep deprivation and constant feeding it would make a big difference to your self-esteem to know your boobs are encased in something comfortable and beautiful."

The Gap Between Thin and Plus Size

I rarely write posts purely about bodies because, as you all know, my focus is boobs no matter which bodies they live on. For a long time though something has been niggling away at the back of my mind then last week 2 things happened that made up my mind about writing this post. As a size US 8/10 (UK 12-14) I have never identified as a skinny person, apart from maybe when I was 9 and my haircut and knees were the biggest parts of me. I developed hips and boobs as a teenager and they've stayed consistently prominent throughout my adult years. Considering I have some major curves going on I've never identified as a Plus Sized person either. I don't need to seek Plus Size retailers to find clothes that fit and I don't encounter many of the physical or emotional situations that I read about from Plus Sized women. So if I'm not skinny or plus sized, what am I in the realms of social discussion? Apparently I, like the millions of other women, don't warrant discussion because I don't fit neatly into either of the two body boxes.

Last week there was a news piece doing the social media rounds about a school girl who started a petition to encourage Disney to create a plus sized princess. I think this is a great idea for more diverse representation from an iconic company, however, this kind of thing happens a lot where the two options seem to be 'thin' or 'plus sized' which bypasses the millions of women who don't identify as either. I don't look at a Disney princess and think "Yeah, I have those kind of proportions" but I also wouldn't see a plus size character and identify any more closely. Very rarely do we see people petitioning for a middle ground and I'm not really sure why.

With her defined tummy, hips and thighs Robyn Lawley is very relatable for lots of middle-sized women but she is almost constantly referred to as Plus Sized because the fashion industry only allows for 2 groups of size.

A topic that has been well discussed is the definition of Plus Size models. Robyn Lawley is a prolific model who at a size US 12 (UK 16) is considered Plus Size by the fashion industry but she's also over 6ft and proportionally akin to a size 10, 5ft 9 woman. I understand that the fashion industry is polarized into thin and plus size but Robyn looks proportionally like lots of us middle-sizers (bar the exquisite eyebrows perhaps!) but we're not allowed to have her as an ambassador because she gets allocated to Plus Sized where we don't identify.

I personally don't need validation from a slew of social media memes to help me define who I am. I am fortunate to feel very proud of my body and the person it houses so it's not for my own identification that I raise this question. However, lots of girls and women don't fall into the category of thin or plus sized and their fit and esteem issues are just as valid. It would be great if we didn't have such polarized 'categories' of bodies but it's naive not to recognize that 'thin' and 'plus size' have very visible representation in social media, retail and traditional media so where do you look if you don't fit neatly into either camp?

Elomi (left) is a predominantly Plus Size brand with most bands starting a 34. Cleo (right) is a predominantly Full Bust brand with most bands starting at a 28. The shaping needs of these two categories can be quite different.

The second occurrence that prompted this post was an article I read about finding good bra fit which said "if you have big boobs then you need a plus size bra and there are lots of brands to choose from, like Elomi". Yes, Elomi is a great plus size specialty brand, one that we are delighted to carry, but not all women with big boobs are plus sized!

When Paul and I created Butterfly Collection the lack of understanding around boob and body size was painfully apparent. The term Full Bust (meaning a 28-38 band size with a D-K+ cup) was almost unheard of when we began speaking to brands and customers alike. People kept trying to lump us in the Plus Sized category because they didn't know what else to do with us. And that's the problem for me. It's just lazy to ignore that body size and shape is far more diverse than just thin or plus size and the fact that a term like full bust is so hard for people to grasp shows the lack of language and understanding around body diversity.

It's because of this stereotypical idea that big boobs live on big bodies that I wanted to raise this subject. If you aren't a plus size woman but you also don't fit into the 'shapes' of Victoria's Secret, strapless tops and thigh gaps then it can be difficult to know where to look for retail help and social empathy and I hope we can change that by changing our language around body shapes.
 

Kat Dennings, Christina Hendricks and Mindy Kaling are all public figures who I can identify with on a physical level and they've all been labeled as plus size at some point by a polarized 'thin' or 'plus size' rhetoric

If you identify as a Plus Sized woman then there are a huge number of blogs, stores, public figures, resources and shows that identify as Plus Size and so are easy to seek out. If you're a size 8, 32G with big hips, no bum and a trim waist then finding people, blogs, stores and advice that empathize is a little trickier. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Does it matter if there isn't a mass representation and language around middle-sizers? Am I underestimating the representation that already exists? Let me know what you think xx

Don't Tell Me I Should Hate my Breasts!

Last week there was an article in The Hufffington Post (originally posted on Literally, Darling) that really irritated me. The two authors were bemoaning the problems and effects of growing and having larger breasts. This is a subject that is very real and many women with large breasts will feel some empathy with what the writers have to say. What bugs me is that the article (and many others like it) assume that ALL large breasted women are unhappy, in pain and lack confidence. What a load of rubbish! Besides being a happy, large busted woman I also know many women who are very happy and comfortable in their large breasts. The article in the Huffington Post implied that women like me are almost deluded because happiness, confidence and comfort simply don't apply to busty women.

There are a few stereotypes that get trotted out in articles about large breasts and I think we need to start taking them with a huge pinch of salt because they undermine the goal of stomping out big boob stereotypes. I want to address a few things written in the article:

"They (big boobs) dominate your whole life"
When you understand which sizes and styles of bras are right for your breasts many women can get on with their busy and varied lives without thinking about their breasts. My 32GG bust does not weigh on my mind when I'm working out in my Enell sports bra, they don't bug me when I'm out for dinner in my Idina plunge, and they behave themselves all day in my array of full coverage and balconette bras. They don't dominate my life because I have learned how to support and dress them in a way that makes me comfortable and happy.

"...and attempting to get guys to look above our chin when they talked to us."
There is a social assumption that every male is looking at big boobs with lecherous intent. Not only is this not true it also doesn't apply solely to big boobs. Those males who are only capable of looking at a woman's chest will do so whether you've got a little or a lot of boob, the problem lies with the man and not the cup size. This generalization also does a disservice to all the men who respect women, are interested in their thoughts and actions just as much (if not more) than how they look. This point is a whole other post but sufficed to say many people, men and women, are looking us in the face and we shouldn't dismiss them along with the stereotype.

"the giant girls sag from the sheer weight and flip-flop about in pretty much the least sexy way possible. Not a great visual, right?"
So much about this bothers me. Who the hell decides what's sexy? My breasts don't stay up by themselves, they haven't for years, they move about when not supported and not only do I feel sexy in my body I happen to love the natural shape and movement of my breasts so how dare you tell me it's not a great visual!

"Remember that we are just as insecure with ourselves as women who only need a camisole. We carry our own (very heavy) insecurities every day, too. Like everyone else, we learn how to cope with our own body image issues. You either hide behind giant clothing and pretend your breasts aren't the first thing anyone sees, or you learn to break the ice, make the first joke and just acknowledge the elephant(s) in the room. Because if you don't, someone else will."

Aghghghghgghgh!!!! Firstly, not every woman feels daily insecurities about her body and they're not delusional narcissists, they are women who have other priorities, have a self-confidence they can rely on and women who have dispensed with being told to feel insecure.

You absolutely have more options than wearing baggy clothing or self-deprecating humour. Your breasts are not 'elephants' that need to be belittled in order to make other people feel better. You are the sum of many parts and your breasts are only one part and to the people in this world who truly care for you, you will never have to justify or hide this part of you.

I know that for a long time to come we will continue to see articles like this which only serve to keep busty women in a vicious cycle of self-loathing and fear. As you know a huge part of what we do at Butterfly Collection is build knowledge and confidence as well as your bra drawer so please don't feel like you should feel embarrassed or ashamed about your bust simply because you're busty, it's a load of nonsense!! xx

Diversity in Lingerie - Diversity in Life

On Tuesday August 21st 2013 June, from Braless in Brasil, launched a campaign called #DiversityinLingerie. Posting a picture of herself in her beautiful post-babies--over 30--a life fully led--stretch marks--and--skin glory June reminds us that we don't see enough physical diversity in lingerie. This means lingerie brands, catwalk shows and retailers don't use a diverse range of models to promote and demonstrate their styles which means millions of women are not represented in an industry for women. We are gradually seeing more plus size models as part of mainstream lingerie marketing but what about women of colour, varying abilities, gender, stretch marks/scars, tattoos, amputees, heights?

I'm not qualified to speak on most of these subjects, however, trail blazers like The Lingerie Addict and The Lingerie Lesbian are creating forums in which women can learn, empathize and be empowered. By challenging preconceptions and highlighting pioneering brands like Kiss Me Deadly and Chrysalis Lingerie, these bloggers aim to make diversity in lingerie a reality. This is not going to be an overnight achievement and from consumer expectations to marketing execution there is a long way to go to bring about true diversity in lingerie promotion.

I wanted to contribute to this conversation about what Diversity in Lingerie means to me. My primary interest as both a bra fitter and blogger is understanding a busty woman's relationship with her body/breasts and giving her the knowledge to feel confident, beautiful and peaceful. What I've come to know is that the diversity of women's relationships with lingerie is vast. How women identify with lingerie, how they use it, what they want from it, how it makes them feel, these are the diversities that I am keenly focused on. 

I am 100% behind the purpose to encourage more physical representation and diversity in lingerie promotion. I would add to this that I would love to see more diversity in the portrayal of women's relationships with lingerie (I elaborated on this in a recent article for The Lingerie Addict). The majority of advertising and marketing we see around lingerie positions it as a delicacy, a thing to be enjoyed in isolation, but lingerie is for life! Lingerie is not an option for some, it's essential for many women to lead their lives confidently and comfortably.

I would love to see a greater diversity in the portrayal of life in lingerie. Here of some of my clients' relationships with lingerie:
1) Roller Derby girls who want bold patterns in designs that can withstand extreme sports.
2) Post-surgery women (some of whom are facing months of recovery) who want more sizes and variation in post operative bras.
3) Nursing Moms who are learning how to fend off social commentary, gain confidence in their new role and body as well as physically manage the rigors of breastfeeding.
4) Professional sports women who are defying the big boob stereotypes and sexism they encounter to pursue their profession with breast support and confidence.
5) Emergency workers who need extreme support during their days but want the diversity of colour and design that lesser impact bras take for granted.
6) Women over 75 with heavy busts whose bone density has changed considerably. Their desire for elegant and beautiful lingerie has not changed but the design and support of their bras is very different from a 22 year old's.

The #DiversityinLingerie campaign is insightful, powerful and inspiring and I hope you take time to read some, if not all, of these posts. Women are as diverse in nature and purpose as we are in looks and physicality. Our diversity is fascinating and beautiful and we can learn a great deal from it. xx

Braless in Brasil
The Breast Life
The Lingerie Addict
Thin and Curvy
Bras and Body Image
Les Gros Bonnets
Wide Curves
Fussy Busty
Under the Unders
Kurvendiskussionen
Curvy Wordy
The Absurd Curvy Nerd
The Full Figured Chest
Muscular Hourglass

About these ads

Posts that are live:
Braless in Brasil
Les Gros Bonnet
Wide Curves
By Baby's Rules
Kurvendiskussionen
The Full Figured Chest
Curvy Wordy
Under the Unders
Muscular Hourglass
The Absurd Curvy Nerd
The Lingerie Addict
Bras and Body Image
Thin and Curvy
Anytime Yoga
Pretty Big Bras - See more at: http://www.bralessinbrasil.com/2013/08/diversityinlingerie.html#sthash.6eag3Rfd.dpuf

Bras: Entertainment vs Supporting Breasts

North America has a very confusing relationship with bras. On the one hand we see them everywhere in advertising, music videos etc and accept this as the norm. On the other hand we are embarrassed by our breasts (large and small) and are shy to talk about how bras should fit, how they impact our health and how they make us feel.

Images of lingerie have become so commonplace in our society that we think nothing of seeing a magazine cover with a lingerie-clad celebrity staring at us while we buy our groceries and yet many of us are too shy to go for a bra fitting. I think it's very healthy to express yourself through lingerie but the enormous disconnect between images of women in lingerie and a huge percentage of North American women feeling embarrassed by their breasts and bras worries me.

Do women feel empowered by the juxtaposition of lingerie and sport or is it a flimsy marketing ploy?

So why is lingerie so acceptable in the entertainment sphere but shrouded in embarrassment in relation to its actual job, supporting breasts? Somewhere along the line we undermined the importance of the bra and it has been relegated to a marketing tool. Something like the Lingerie Football League can belittle the importance of bras because the lingerie is there as a gimmick to attract media attention. The trivialization of bras through well-worn 'sex sells' advertising, like the cringe-worthy Pussycat Dolls GoDaddy Superbowl commercial in 2012, undermines the core purpose of bras - to support our breasts!

I think many women have disassociated lingerie with real life and relegated it to an airbrushed world where lingerie is just for show because the gulf is huge between bras used in entertainment and bras that need to support us every single day. The Victoria's Secret Angel in American Flag wings has little relevance to the 34GG mother of three in Ohio whose bra has to withstand a constant workout, stay in place, be comfortable and make her feel beautiful.

This image could be empowering if bra fit knowledge and confidence were commonplace. Sadly this bra doesn't fit the model (wires resting on breast tissue at the center) so it seems to suggest bra fit is secondary to entertainment.

The Victoria's Secret Show has become a highlight of the annual TV schedule raking in millions of viewers and advertising dollars. The event keeps getting bigger and bigger and yet the fundamental fitting issues at Victoria's Secret boutiques are legendary. What use is a bra if it doesn't fit? You'll look great if you get caught in a surprise runway show?! The lack of attention to fit in the VS Runway Show reinforces the idea that fit isn't as important as looking a certain way. The Hollywood tinted lens through which we see lingerie can alienate women who self-elect that their bodies are too big, too small, too different to be worthy of confidence let alone beautiful, well-fitting lingerie. 

I don't think that lingerie needs to be eradicated from our entertainment sphere, however, I think we need a considerable redressing of the balance to bring the bra back to the real world. We need to make talking about bras and good fit as commonplace as pop stars dancing up a storm in their basques. If you've never had a conversation with the women in your life about if they feel happy and confident in their bras then I urge you to start that conversation. Let's take back the bra and make sure it's doing the job it was intended for, supporting breasts. If you need help working out your best fit then our Free Fitting Services is a great place to start xx

First Video Blog Post!

Hi Everyone - a very quick post to let you know that my first video blog entry is up. I'll be creating these every couple of weeks to add some context to the things I write about here as well as highlighting great bra and boob articles from around the web.

I'll also cover bra fitting issues as well as answering specific customer and reader questions that arise in the week. I hope you find it useful and please let me know if you have any suggestions for things you'd like me to talk about. Happy Friday! xx

Breast Bullying

October is anti-bullying month and this is a subject close to my heart (my post back in February on Pink Shirt Day struck a chord with many of you). Many of my customers have experienced bullying over their breast size at some point during their life. You may think that this is mostly kids teasing each other during puberty (which of course is rife) however, breast bullying happens in many more places, most dangerously, and sadly, within the family.

Bullying is an invidious weapon that hurts the victim from within. The effects can be experienced for years and affect how you feel about yourself long into adulthood. I think we have an opportunity to change decades of ignorance and bullying so that future generations of girls can grow up without the weight of breast-shame to deal with.

Bullying within the Family
You may be surprised to know that this is the most common form of bullying my clients tell me about. Many are singled out for being the most busty sister or daughter and made to feel that they are somehow 'wrong' in their physique. Perhaps much of this taunting stems from jealousy or insecurity with their own shape (it's much easier to bring other people down than to raise them and yourself up).

Perpetual breast taunting and shaming establishes doubt about the validity of your body and makes young women question if they have done something wrong. This can lead to seeking validation about your body and worth for a long time. A supportive and enlightened family can save a busty teen from years of searching for self-esteem and body acceptance.

Ignoring developing breasts and covering daughters in layers of baggy clothing to hide their figures also contributes to a sense of breast-shame. This passive bullying is to try and force girls into a certain 'mold' that women ought to be. Breasts are still incorrectly linked to morality so many parents think that by making their daughters look as though they don't have breasts it will somehow 'save' them from moral peril. This simply doesn't work. You can teach body-confidence and morality at the same time.

Bullying from the Media
It's well disguised but there is no doubt that women are bullied into feeling they 'should' be something in order to be acceptable. We are bombarded with images and words that narrow the size, shape, colour, height and weight we should be. From the tiny selection of magazine covers below you can see the imbued guilt and shame woven into mass media.

"How Smart Women Lose Weight" because we all know that most of us are just too stupid to be thin. "Fight Flab & Win" because only losers are fat. "My Body After Baby" because let's face it, creating the miracle of life is nothing compared to looking great in a bikini.

Having a great internal compass that says "this is just one way that women can look, there are millions of other ways" allows us to see these women as beautiful but not the only valuable women in our world.

New strategies are coming into effect to stop the runaway train of media weight-dogma. The UK seems to be leading the way with groups like the All Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image who were part of the first Body Confidence Awards recognizing advertisers, authors, websites, individuals and organizations promoting confidence in children and adults. I don't think that governments ought to be left to determine confidence, but we certainly need some consequences for companies who blatantly prey on our insecurities to keep us in a fear-based-buying-cycle.

Internet Bullying
A couple of weeks ago our community here in Greater Vancouver was rocked by the suicide of a young girl after years of relentless bullying via the Internet, phone and in person. A tragic litany of events included a barrage of abuse about the girl's breasts. The complexities of digital communication, young women, breasts and society is a topic for a whole other blog, but this journalist's piece is thought-provoking. We need to start arming our young girls and adults with the education and language to understand their own bodies and to be supportive and accepting of other women's bodies before they start looking for validation and acceptance in a faceless place.

As you've probably figured out by now I think words are powerful and even though they can inflict such dreadful wounds they are also a busty girl's best defense and liberation to live happily and confidently in her beautiful body. By giving the women and girls in your life words of encouragement as well as arming them with the vocabulary to love their own bodies, we can change how future generations of women treat themselves and other women. xx

Self Confidence Sites
http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org/
http://www.2dayswoman.com/health/body-image-part-improve-body-confidence
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

Body Confidence Sites
http://www.stylehasnosize.com
http://www.bodypositive.ca/Home/tabid/121/Default.aspx


Anti-Bullying Sites
http://www.antibullying.net/
http://www.stopabully.ca/

The Shame of Big Boobs: Claudia's Story

The contents of this blog post are from an email I received from a woman who wanted to share her story of life in big boobs. I am always so touched when women get in touch to say that they want to help other women come to terms with and feel proud of their boobs. If Claudia's story reaches just one woman feeling ashamed of her breasts and helps her feel like she's not alone then it's a wonderful gift. My personal thanks to Claudia xx

Claudia's Story 
My name is Claudia, I’m a 25-year-old Italian girl and my adventure in bra-fitting began six months ago. When I came across your site by chance, I instantly fell in love. The passion you put in what do you is palpable in every word. I felt the urge to share my story with you and your readers because maybe it can help other women who are experiencing what I went through until not too long ago.

After years of being stuck in the wrong size and loathing for my boobs I ultimately decided to get a breast reduction. Since then, my life has changed. I now share your understanding of how important a good fitting is for women with big boobs.

A Child in a Grown-up Body
Ever since I hit puberty, I’ve had big boobs. They developed so fast that at the age of 11 I needed to buy my first bra. I was still a child, even though my body had suddenly decided to change and move into woman territory. I was shocked, I was ashamed, my boobs were my enemies, because I was the only one among my friends and classmates with “those things” and, mostly, I wasn’t ready for the strange stares that started coming my way, often from men the age of my dad and often followed by rude, offensive comments. I would have done everything to hide that unwanted presence that kept growing on my chest.

At the age of 20 my breasts stopped their development and I ended up with what I used to call “my ginormous, ugly boobs”, which were a nightmare to dress, carry around, live with, and totally disproportionate compared to my otherwise petite body. Men kept ogling at them whenever I went, I even received inappropriate looks/comments from other women, sports were a problem, the idea of going to the beach almost made me cry and jeez, they were heavy! Bra shopping? A living hell, a dreadful, humiliating, frustrating experience.

The Nightmare of Bra Shopping
When I bought my first bra, and up until relatively recently, every store only had sizes that went from 1 to 4, sometimes 5. These numbers are the old-fashioned Italian bra sizing system, 1 means “very small breasts AND ribcage measurement”, size 5 means “OMG you’re boobs are huge and so must be your band size”, and everything in between. If you wanted something bigger than size 5, you had to visit a specialized store, where the styles were for your grandmother, cost a fortune, and big cups were only on big bands. A few years ago the number/letter system reached Italy, but even now only a couple of brands offer a decent range of sizes. For the record, they don’t fit me and I must shop online.

I knew big cup/big band bras clearly weren’t a good fit – they didn’t stay in place, offered no support and uplift, my boobs spilled over the top and the sides, wires poked here and there, straps dug into my shoulders – but I kept buying and wearing them because they were the only pretty bras I could find. I can’t even begin to count how many saleswomen have looked at me like I was some kind of alien, with either a pitying or a you’re-so-damn-lucky expression. I definitely didn’t think of myself as lucky, I envied the small-busted girls who could find tons of lovely bras and didn’t have to hide their boobs, but I totally understood the pitying stares. If you live in a world where big boob stereotypes are everywhere and you can’t find bras, swimwear and clothes that are good for you, self-loathing and shame are an easy mistake. And when “bra fitting” is a meaningless concept, no one teaches you that it’s not your fault if manufacturers are ignorant, that a 32-38 A-D range is extremely limited, that the “plus 4” method is wrong… well, being stuck in the wrong size for years is even easier.

The Consequences of Bad Bras
I spent more than 10 years of my life blaming myself and my curves, torturing my boobs with horrendously ill-fitting bras and thinking there was something wrong with me. The consequences, of course, didn’t only affect me emotionally; wearing bras that were too big in the band and too small in the cups also had a major impact on my posture, breast tissue (aka migration) and health, the lack of proper support leading to severe neck, shoulder and back pain.

Two years ago I decided I’d had enough, and finally found the courage to have the reduction I’d been dreaming of for a long time. To make it short: surgery went well, my boobs were still big but proportional to my body and I was extremely pleased with the result. Do I regret it now? More on this later.

Being at Peace with my Boobs
So… I didn’t hate my boobs anymore (I loved them, actually), but unfortunately I kept wearing the wrong size for the same reasons as before. Things changed six months ago, when for the first time I considered the option of online shopping; deep inside of me I knew there had to be pretty, not too expensive bras for big-busted women. I Googled a few keywords and… discovered a whole new world. I learned how sizing works; that you don’t have to add inches to your underbust measurement to determine your band size; that DD+ cups really exist and no, it’s nothing scary; that yes, I can find pretty and sexy bras in my size; how to tell if a bra is a good fit or not. All this, and much more.

I will NEVER forget the feeling of wearing a well-fitting bra for the first time. So supportive and comfortable! And what an amazing silhouette! I looked thinner because my boobs were where they are supposed to be and not near my navel, I could lift my arms up and bend over without worry because they were perfectly encased in the cups. No more back rolls, no more discomfort, no more quadraboob. My posture? I couldn’t believe the difference.

Back to my breast reduction… I don’t regret it. I decided to have surgery for many reasons and one of them is that in spite of everything I didn’t like my boobs, aesthetically speaking. I’m happier now, I think they better suit my body. But all that self-loathing, the frustration, having to deal with constant pain? Ah, if only I had well-fitting bras back then, if only proper bra fitting was common knowledge! I would have chosen to have a reduction nevertheless, but I’m sure my journey toward self-confidence and acceptance of my curves would have been easier. And this is the point I’m trying to make with my overly long story. Wearing the right bra has been a total life changer for me and I took the matter to heart; I keep reading as much as I can on bra fitting, I try to educate women, and I have a dream: a world where no woman is ashamed of her boobs because of stupid myths and thinks she’s a freak just because she needs bras in sizes that aren’t always available due to manufacturer’s ignorance. Not all body image issues would be magically resolved, of course, because self-confidence is a complex thing. But it would be an important achievement nonetheless.

Shopping and Happiness for Busty Teens

Last week we looked at the role of family members in supporting their teen girls about bras and breasts. Thank you to everyone who got in touch to say that the piece struck a chord with their own experiences.

Top Five Things Busty Women Wished They'd Known as Teens
I asked our lovely readers on Facebook and Twitter what they wish they'd known about bras when they were growing up. Here are the top 5 things that came up:

1) How to figure out my size
2) That bras don't stop at a D cup
3) The right size bra doesn't hurt
4) Your bra size changes throughout your life
5) Not to be ashamed of being busty

In this conclusion to the Guide for Parents of Busty Daughters I want to share some practical tips about shopping for bras with your daughter and preparing her for a life with big boobs.

First Bra Shopping Trip
Lots of girls won't realize that they need a bra and so it's important that parents are paying attention to the physical changes in their daughters and don't shy away from the subject just because they can't believe they're growing up - ignoring it won't make it any less true.

Buying bras will possibly be part of her life forever so her first bra shopping trip is a rite of passage. Use this significant event to bond over the 'occasion' of your daughter growing up. Make time for the trip, don't throw a Wal-mart training bra in the cart while picking up groceries. Giving your daughter a sense that her breasts are worth taking care of properly (not as an after thought) will set the tone for her bra shopping attitude.

Viva is a great option for school as it's supportive, pretty and discreet

Age Appropriate Bras
Unless your daughter has a very sudden growth spurt it's unlikely that her very first bra will be a D-K cup. However, don't underestimate how quickly your daughter's bust can change. Many teens need 28-30 backs with D+ cups. I know these are harder to find (which is why I set up Butterfly Collection in the first place) but teaching your daughter that finding the right fit is worthwhile is a great gift. Keeping your daughter in great fitting bras through her breast development will also improve her health and self-esteem.

Bras for teens is different from lingerie for women, in my opinion. Buying sexy, fun and exotic underwear is something wonderful for adult women, however, 11, 12, 13 etc is a time you should still be able to be a kid and have the right support so that you can be active and confident. Here are some tips about age appropriate bras.

Lucy from Cleo is a wonderfully supportive bra that is fun and teen appropriate

Colour/Pattern - For school it's important to have something that is supportive and discreet so basic colours like black, skin-toned (this can be tough to find for all skin-tones but things are changing) and white are useful. Being young doesn't mean your underwear can't be fun. Fun is different from sexy. It breaks my heart to see 12 year olds in leopard print plunge bras because you have so much time as an adult to consider your sexual side, but you have so little time to just be a kid. I think Cleo has some great age appropriate bras in bright colours, fun pattern and mostly importantly, good support.

Stretch lace panels like this one on Faye from Freya allows for some size fluctuation as your daughter develops

Shape - When your body is changing you need as much support as you can get. To make your dollar go further look for bras with a quantity of stretch lace in the cup. This will give your daughter some growing room. Three part bras (bras where the cups are made of three pieces of material rather than one) are good for increased support.

A good sports bra, like this one from Enell can keep your daughter participating in sports. A great investment in her health.

Sports - EVERY girl should have a sports bra. I know these can be a little more expensive but you are investing in the longevity of her health and that's worth it. Ensuring that your daughter has the right support to participate in sport is vital for a healthy body, mind and relationship with her breasts.

Preparing Your Daughter for Being a Busty Girl
Whether you were a busty teen or not you probably have memories of kids teasing you. Busty women remember being teased or leered after by boys and being called names and teased by smaller busted girls. Being busty can make you feel like an outsider. Giving your daughter the right bras will eliminate the physical discomfort many busty teens experience but you also need to give her the emotional tools to deal with the other stuff.

I asked my Mum how she prepared for having busty daughters (with her own award-winning bust it was highly likely that my sister or I - or both - would have a larger bust). She said "You can't stop other people being idiots, you can only prepare your daughter to know how to spot one." This is the key. Your daughter needs to know that if other people feel the need to comment on her bust then that's their problem and not hers.

Self-Esteem
This is one of the most important things I write about. If you feel happy, confident and worthy then it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of your shape. Self-esteem is the bedrock of allowing your daughter to concentrate on being her rather than searching for a manufactured way to fit in. If she's busty the chances are she'll always be busty so the sooner she comes to love her body, the longer she'll be happy.

One of our readers once commented "I am proud to be me because of and despite of my bust." I love this comment because it sums up great self-esteem. You don't have to hide your bust and you don't have to be defined by it. Helping your daughter to love the uniqueness and beauty of her body alongside the fabulousness of her actions, thoughts and talents is the key to balance.

I hope these two blog posts have given you some ideas for making life easier and happier for your busty teens. Boobs are a life-long journey and as with all things, if you get a good start the journey is so much easier. xx

A Guide for Parents of Busty Daughters

Many of the women I come into contact with talk about how there was little or no dialogue around breasts when they were growing up. Thousands, if not millions, of women in North America are left to figure out their breasts and bra fit over decades. This time can be fraught with doubt, self-criticism and both physical and emotional pain that could have been prevented with early bra education and support. The emotional and physical changes involved in developing breasts can be a daunting experience made much easier by an informed and supportive family.

The World Your Daughter Lives In
The reality of our world today is that we are exposed to more body commentary than ever before. Here is a pretty staggering statistic:

"By the time they're 17, girls have seen 250,000 TV commercials telling them they should be a decorative object, sex object or a body size they can never achieve."

When we live in a world where you daughter is being bombarded with other people's ideas of how she should look it's even more important to instill a confidence that will allow her to be herself and be happy. I really like this resource pack for parents to start talking about body image, women in commercials, dieting and Photoshop.  

Why is it important to have a dialogue around breasts with your daughter?
It's not an overstatement to say that your early experiences around bras and breasts form a significant part of the foundation of your adult relationship with your body. Giving your daughter the language and tools to understand and support herself (physically and emotionally) can have a positive effect on her self-esteem, confidence, health and happiness.

Understand Your Own Bra History
Before you can help your daughter through her developing years, it's important to know your own bra history.

Busty Moms - If you were a busty teen and/or are a busty adult then you have some empathy about what your daughter is experiencing. It's worth writing a list of things that you remember being hard (sports, teasing, shopping etc) to give you a frame reference for the challenges your daughter might face.

If you were fortunate enough to have a parent who understood the importance of a well-fitting bra then you will have a good idea of what that meant to you. For most women there wasn't a lot of conversation around bras and breasts (it may even have been a subject shrouded in shame or embarrassment). You will know how this made you feel - you have the chance to change this cycle of shame for your daughter.

Smaller Busted Moms - You may not have been a busty teen (or a busty adult) but you have a daughter who is developing larger breasts. This can be daunting for some Moms because they don't have experience in dealing with larger breasts.

The first thing to remember is that your daughter's development is completely normal. Girls are developing breasts earlier and larger (for reasons including increased calcium in our diets, hormone changes in the food chain, increased use of the contraceptive pill).

There are many experiences you can share with your daughter no matter how big your breasts are and these create the bond of womanhood between the two of you. Here's one pearl of wisdom from my own Mum that let me know I was now a woman and part of an exclusive club:

"Women have to go through a lot so we should always have great bras and shoes to support us on the journey."

Knowledge is the key to effective communication so it's worth getting to know busty resources and finding other women who can help you support your daughter (I'll explain this more in the next section.)

The Dove Self-Esteem Project Relies on Role Models

Moms, Dads, Aunts, Friends, Grandmothers Can All Be Role Models
The best way we learn how to be proud of our bodies is to see people we love and respect being role models. You don't have to be busty to be a role model.

Moms - I know this is a tough question to ask but are you positive about your own body? Regardless of what size or shape you are, your daughter is looking at you to learn how to feel about herself by seeing how you treat yourself. We all have bad hair days, bad wardrobe days, bad "why are my hips still growing" days, but it's important to have more "I have a great smile", "I love wearing my favourite colour, "I love being tall/petite/curvy/athletic" days. By being positive about you, learning to accept a compliment and celebrating more than just your physicality your daughter will learn to see herself as more than just a body.

In the bra department the first thing you can do to be a great role model is wear the correct bra size. No matter what size you are, wearing the correct bra size (and knowing what correct bra size means) gives your daughter a tangible example of what wearing the right bra looks like. If you don't know what correct bra fit is then I recommend these articles:

Your Boobs Tell You When You Need a New Bra
Not All D Cups Are The Same
Bra Myths
7 Ways To Tell If Your Bra Fits

Dads - You may think that bras and boobs are not your department, but you have a big role to play. You may not be able to advise on your favourite cup style but you can be instrumental in building your daughter's confidence. If you have a busty daughter the reality is  that in her life she's going to encounter some moronic males who will consider it their right to comment on her bust. From the leering, to disgusting to offensive comments your daughter will need to know that this is not how true gentlemen treat women. You can be the yardstick for how she'll let men treat her, so treat her with respect and celebration and she will build a layer of self-respect that the moronic comments bounce off.

She needs you to let her know that she can be proud of her figure but not defined by it. I know that the length of my skirts gave my father heart palpitations from time to time, but he never made me feel ashamed of my figure always complimenting me on how smart, or colourful, or beautiful I looked.

Encouraging good bra support can also keep girls in sports (a horrifying number of girls drop out of sports because they are ashamed of their bust). Too many women tell me that they enjoyed playing sports with their fathers until their bodies began to change and then Dad became embarrassed. You can literally improve your daughter's health and happiness by taking the need for great sports bras seriously. You can do this simply by encouragement, acknowledgement or paying! It's being part of the conversation that matters.

For some Dads they are the sole parent and all aspects of growing up fall to him. For those Dads who have lost their partner to breast cancer the subject of bras and breasts can be doubly difficult. Here are some resources for lone Dad's bringing up daughters:

National Fatherhood Initiative
Fathers Raising Daughters
About.com Article
Daddymoms

Wider Family and Friends - I love the African proverb "It takes a village to raise a child". We are always stronger together and this applies to bras and breasts. If there are other members of your family or close friends who have a good relationship with your daughter, ask them to support you in positive conversations around body image, bra support and body diversity. If you're not a particularly busty Mom but your best friend is then enlist her help to empathize with your daughter and give her some shopping, fit, health or confidence tips.

Communication is the key to instilling the confidence your daughter will need as a busty teen and adult. If you know you have your own hang-ups about bras and boobs then now is the time that you can start to address them so you don't perpetuate the cycle of bra misery and shame for your daughter. Replace the sadness and frustration with joy and freedom. Check back next week for the conclusion to this guide. As always I love to hear your feedback, stories and suggestions. xx