Bra Fit For Special Needs Girls

This week is a guest blog from a fantastic special needs teacher who also happens to be my Mum. When we talk about good bra fit for everyone there really are no exceptions. Bra fit for special needs daughters can be daunting for parents so this post hopes to shed some light on the importance and techniques for dealing with bra fit for special needs girls.

"Talking to your adolescent daughter about puberty can be difficult enough but especially so if your daughter has learning difficulties of any kind. I am fortunate to be the Mum of two healthy girls and having worked hard to have good lines of communication we discussed puberty in terms of emotional and practical changes so that they were empowered to have choices over their bodies and understand what was happening to them. Having taught adolescent special needs students for 20 years I am acutely aware that these girls do not have the same capacity for understanding puberty or making choices about the changes to their body. Does this mean you don’t try to explain or address puberty for special needs girls? Absolutely not.

The individuals within the special needs spectrum have a huge array of abilities and capacity for understanding so your communication with your child needs to be geared to them. It’s a mistake to think that being special needs automatically means you can’t talk about things like puberty and bras. Breast development is indiscriminate and as with any other girl your daughter deserves the physical and emotional support through her changing body whether you can explain it to her or seek out the right bra support on her behalf.

All too often parents of special needs girls do not address the needs of a pubescent daughter as though somehow being special needs means things like bras don’t apply. Lots of parents find it hard enough to discuss puberty with their children so adding a layer of mental and/or physical disability into the mix can be crippling for communication. Somehow we need to change this barrier between communication and puberty in special needs girls because many special needs girls develop at an early age and can have very heavy breasts and yet many of them are left without any bra support. In other cases, although a girl may be wearing a bra, it is obviously not a proper fit and regardless of your abilities being uncomfortable is horrible.

Being a special needs girl does not necessarily mean you are excluded from feeling embarrassed or self conscious. The kind of teenage behaviour you see in mainstream schools happens in special needs schools too. Kids notice and comment on each other’s bodies and the interest in sexual body parts is just as prevalent, if not more so. Being in the right bra gives a special needs girl some control back over her breasts, allows her to participate in physical activities more comfortably and adds a layer of privacy while her body is growing and changing.

I wish there was a checklist for how to help your special needs daughter with bra fit but it does depend hugely on her abilities and comprehension. Having said that here are some suggestions about bra fit and special needs that could help you give your daughter good breast support:

1) If you can talk to her about puberty then do! Talk about how the changes mean she is becoming a woman and as a woman she can start to choose the bras she would like to have to support her. Include her in the transition to bras and ask her what she thinks about wearing a bra. Explain to her that she can continue to do her favourite things without being uncomfortable, like playing basketball, or dancing or playing with her friends.

2) Be realistic about what kind of bras your daughter can physically get into and wear. If your daughter has any upper body physical disability then a wire is probably not the best option as it can sit awkwardly against her ribs. Opt for wire free bras. There are lots of wire free bras available up to a K cup in sports and regular designs. Sports bras are particularly useful as lots of special needs children and teens are very physically active.

A front closure bra may be more practical

3) Consider who is going to get your daughter in and out of her bra and how difficult that will be. If she goes to a swimming class as part of her schooling then will an assistant be available to help her with her bra? Perhaps a front closure bra would be more practical for a girl who has enough dexterity to put on a front closure but not a back closure.

4) If a conventional bra is not practical then look at quality crop tops that add a layer of compression and support to the breasts.

5) If it’s possible to get colours and patterns in bras that are suitable for your daughter then ask her which colours and designs she likes. Being given power over her choices empowers any girl and will make her relationship with her bras more positive.

6) ASK FOR HELP. Bras are still a mystery for millions of able bodied, mentally capable women so figuring out which bras are right for you daughter’s particular special needs can be overwhelming. I know that Claire works with parents of special needs daughters via Skype to help them learn about fit and style options within the comfort of their own homes. Familiar surroundings are very important for special needs children so your home is the best place to teach about bras and to try them on your daughter. 

Life may be very different for special needs girls in many ways but Mother Nature makes no allowance. They get boobs, periods and curves and they deserve to have these changes respected and acknowledged. It can be incredibly difficult for the parents of special needs daughters to recognize and acknowledge these changes but failing to do so can leave a special needs girl feeling exposed and confused and that’s not good for any human being."

The Difference Between Bra Facts and Bra Preference

When you start researching bras and bra fit you quickly realize that it's a pretty huge topic. This is because boobs are as diverse and unique as the women they live on. There are lots of different bra blogs out there and they all have different information depending on their personal style, breast shape and lifestyle. It can be confusing to know which information is right for you.

In general the information breaks down into two groups. Firstly there are facts about what good bra fit looks and feels like; this information is pretty much non-negotiable. Secondly there are bra preferences like style, shape, colour and comfort levels. There are no right or wrongs in the bra preferences, it's totally down to the individual. To help you decipher the must-know bra facts from bra preferences I've put together a quick cheat's list:

Bra Facts

1. All your breast tissue (including that squidgy bit at your armpit that you think is fat) should sit inside the cup.
2. Your bra band should stay in place and not ride up your back.
3. Bra straps should not slip off and should not dig in.
4. A new bra should fit you on the loosest set of hooks first (unless it's a maternity bra)
5. Your gore (the part between your breasts) should be flush with your body.

Bra Preferences

1. Whether you prefer to wear a balconette bra, a plunge, a full cup or a wire-free. There are no hard and fast rules about what you have to wear (other than wearing a sports bra when active)
2. How tight your band has to be. Some women prefer a really tight band, others like it just firm and some prefer to have it as loose as it can go without compromising fit (as soon as it starts to ride up then your band is too loose).
3. Shape - some women love rounded cups or lots of cleavage, some like a more minimized look. Whatever shape you like you can find bras that will give you that look.
4. Price - There is no right price to pay for a bra, it depends on what you're comfortable paying for the amount of wear you will get out of it. A well constructed bra that is worn and cared for well should last between 8 and 18 months (depending on how often you wear it).
5. Style - There are lots of different styles of bras that fit different breast shapes differently. Working out your breast shape will really help you work out which bra bloggers have reviews that are relevant to your shape. Check out Bratabase's Breast Shape Gallery.

Once you have the bra facts nailed down you can start to explore the bra preferences that suit your body and personal style. When you find bras that tick all the boxes on the bra facts list and have all the things you're looking for in your bra preferences you have found your bra sweet spot! xx

Why Some Bras Will Never Fit You

Lots of women will say they know their bra size but can never find a bra that fits. Two things are usually going on here; either they really don't know their size (most commonly their band is too big and causing the bra to move around) or they keep trying on the same style of bra. The shape of your bust and the density of your breast tissue means that some bra styles simply will never fit you. Don't despair though, knowing which styles work for your breasts and give you the look you're after the easier it will be to find the right bras.

Related Article: How age affects your bra fit.

Lots of women have only ever tried on bras at big lingerie retailers like La Senza and Victoria's Secret. They try their correct size (rare for the full bust women in these places but not impossible) and find that the bras don't fit them. The problem here is that the majority of bras in these stores are molded styles and despite all the colours and trims, they are all based on just a few design patterns. If this pattern of molded cup doesn't fit your shape then it doesn't matter which size you try on, it will never feel quite right.

Molded Bras Aren't Your Only Option
It's important to break out of a one style trap and try several different styles of bra in your size so you can figure out which ones feels the best and gives you the shape you're after. I know that molded cups are so popular because they offer a smooth look under t-shirts and disguise your nipples but you can get these benefits from other styles too.

Delphi is a seamed bra with the discretion of a molded cup

Most seamed bras have flat, discreet seams that aren't noticeable under clothing. Some seamed bras are made of light foam material that disguises your nipples like a molded cup but aren't as rigid so fit to your shape better (Delphi and Medina are great examples of this style).

Related Video: How Seams Affect Your Bra Shape

Which Bra Styles are Available for Full Busts?
It's a good idea to try out bras in lots of different styles (make sure you know your size range first). Here are the most common full bust styles:

Full Cup Bras have full coverage so they come up higher on your breasts and tend not to emphasize your cleavage. This style gives a lot of stability and many women choose to wear this style during the day when they are busiest as the support is comfortable and reliable.

Serenade is a full cup bra because it encases the whole breast

Molded Bras have either a rigid or soft cup (they both seamless, the rigid cups are usually a little thicker). Molded bras can be very supportive and give a lovely shape. Just be aware that rigid cups can't bend to your shape, your breasts have to form to the shape of the cups rather than vice versa.

Profile Perfect is a soft molded cup so the cup can form to your body more easily

Vertical Seamed Bras combine the best of both worlds; the flexibility of the softer cups with the support and shape of seams. Vertical seamed bras can give lots of lift and accentuate cleavage.

A vertically seamed bra like Medina gives you lift and accentuated cleavage

Balconnete bras have a wider neckline and are lower at the front than a full cup bra. They are often seamed with three or four sections to give your breasts shape and support. An ideal solution for lots of women who want support without too much material or bulk.

A balconette bra like Lucy gives you the support of seams with a less full cup and wider neckline

Before you decide that bras simply don't fit you make sure you have explored all the options that are out there for you. Besides the ones listed above there are plunge, strapless, multi-way, wirefree, sports bras, nursing, mastectomy and vintage styles like cone bras. The style of bra can make a huge difference to your comfort, for example, if you're short, look for bras with straps that are fully adjustable (like Lucy from Cleo) or if you have sloping shoulders look for styles with the straps closer together (like Dessous Neon from Claudette). Your bra should be working with you, not against you.

If you have a particular question about which styles are right for your body you can email your details to support@butterflycollection.ca or use our Free Size Consultation. xx

Big Boob Phobia!

I am afraid of clowns. I think they have machetes in their trouser-legs and they kill people who go to the circus. The logical side of my brain says there's probably a very small percentage of weapon-wielding, murderous funny-men but nonetheless I feel like crying when I see one. Perhaps the reason so many women have hang-ups about wearing a bra over a D cup is that they are actually suffering from Pectorusgiganticus; Fear of Big Boobs! (a word I just made up, naturally.)

Joking aside, it never ceases to amaze me how many women are afraid of bra letters over a D cup. It makes no difference what label you put on the ratio between your breast mass and your ribcage measurement (sexy right, that's what your bra size refers to) your boobs are still going to be that volume. Letter Phobia doesn't stop your boobs are spilling out of your bra or bouncing around so it's worthwhile getting educated about bra fit and what bra sizes actually mean.

Over several decades we have built up layers of phobias around boobs; women with big boobs are bimbos or promiscuous and they can't play sports or be pain-free. These phobias stem partly from a misogynistic language that keeps women feeling guilty about their bodies (but that's a topic for a whole other dissertation!) and partly from years of dreadful bra fitting knowledge. By fitting knowledge I don't just mean getting a good fitting at a boutique, I mean, being educated about bras.

As we grow up we're educated about periods, why we have them and what to do to manage them as they happen. Imagine never being told why you have periods or how a tampon should feel and work if used correctly. You'd spend your life blindly buying what you thought was best for you and wondering the whole time if there was something wrong with you. This is what we do to young girls about bras. We don't explain that bras should fit snugly at the band, how your cup size is relative to your band size and that breast sizes change regularly (every couple of weeks for some women). If we gave them this knowledge then the phobias around bras would begin to fade away.

It's such an old-fashioned idea that only a professional fitter can tell you about your boobs and bras. Your doctor gives you advice about how to live well (good diet, exercise etc) they don't just prescribe you antacid every time you have heartburn without ever explaining that cutting out fatty foods will stop the problem in the first place. Similarly a good bra-fitter should teach you about your fit, your breast shape, which styles work for you and how to keep an eye on your size. This way you'll understand your breasts and bras and there will be no room for phobia.

I think a lot of women worry that wearing a cup size over a D cup will make them look like they have big boobs. The reality is that a correctly fitting bra will make you look much more contained which makes your boobs look smaller than when they're bashing together somewhere near your waist!

If you think you might be suffering from Pectorusgiganticus then I want you to remember 3 things to try and overcome your phobia:

1) No one else needs to know your bra size so what difference does it make?
2) In the right size bra you won't bounce around or spill out of your cups (the two things that draw the kind of attention that can make you feel uncomfortable)
3) You can take your time but try to keep a piece of your mind open to the possibility that a different bra size could make you feel physically and emotionally better.

To every one of our customers and every reader of this blog I want you to know that you are changing the landscape for future generations of women. By educating yourselves about great bra fit you can pass on that gift and ensure that no-one has to suffer the terrible fear of Big Boobs!! xx

Shopping and Happiness for Busty Teens

Last week we looked at the role of family members in supporting their teen girls about bras and breasts. Thank you to everyone who got in touch to say that the piece struck a chord with their own experiences.

Top Five Things Busty Women Wished They'd Known as Teens
I asked our lovely readers on Facebook and Twitter what they wish they'd known about bras when they were growing up. Here are the top 5 things that came up:

1) How to figure out my size
2) That bras don't stop at a D cup
3) The right size bra doesn't hurt
4) Your bra size changes throughout your life
5) Not to be ashamed of being busty

In this conclusion to the Guide for Parents of Busty Daughters I want to share some practical tips about shopping for bras with your daughter and preparing her for a life with big boobs.

First Bra Shopping Trip
Lots of girls won't realize that they need a bra and so it's important that parents are paying attention to the physical changes in their daughters and don't shy away from the subject just because they can't believe they're growing up - ignoring it won't make it any less true.

Buying bras will possibly be part of her life forever so her first bra shopping trip is a rite of passage. Use this significant event to bond over the 'occasion' of your daughter growing up. Make time for the trip, don't throw a Wal-mart training bra in the cart while picking up groceries. Giving your daughter a sense that her breasts are worth taking care of properly (not as an after thought) will set the tone for her bra shopping attitude.

Viva is a great option for school as it's supportive, pretty and discreet

Age Appropriate Bras
Unless your daughter has a very sudden growth spurt it's unlikely that her very first bra will be a D-K cup. However, don't underestimate how quickly your daughter's bust can change. Many teens need 28-30 backs with D+ cups. I know these are harder to find (which is why I set up Butterfly Collection in the first place) but teaching your daughter that finding the right fit is worthwhile is a great gift. Keeping your daughter in great fitting bras through her breast development will also improve her health and self-esteem.

Bras for teens is different from lingerie for women, in my opinion. Buying sexy, fun and exotic underwear is something wonderful for adult women, however, 11, 12, 13 etc is a time you should still be able to be a kid and have the right support so that you can be active and confident. Here are some tips about age appropriate bras.

Lucy from Cleo is a wonderfully supportive bra that is fun and teen appropriate

Colour/Pattern - For school it's important to have something that is supportive and discreet so basic colours like black, skin-toned (this can be tough to find for all skin-tones but things are changing) and white are useful. Being young doesn't mean your underwear can't be fun. Fun is different from sexy. It breaks my heart to see 12 year olds in leopard print plunge bras because you have so much time as an adult to consider your sexual side, but you have so little time to just be a kid. I think Cleo has some great age appropriate bras in bright colours, fun pattern and mostly importantly, good support.

Stretch lace panels like this one on Faye from Freya allows for some size fluctuation as your daughter develops

Shape - When your body is changing you need as much support as you can get. To make your dollar go further look for bras with a quantity of stretch lace in the cup. This will give your daughter some growing room. Three part bras (bras where the cups are made of three pieces of material rather than one) are good for increased support.

A good sports bra, like this one from Enell can keep your daughter participating in sports. A great investment in her health.

Sports - EVERY girl should have a sports bra. I know these can be a little more expensive but you are investing in the longevity of her health and that's worth it. Ensuring that your daughter has the right support to participate in sport is vital for a healthy body, mind and relationship with her breasts.

Preparing Your Daughter for Being a Busty Girl
Whether you were a busty teen or not you probably have memories of kids teasing you. Busty women remember being teased or leered after by boys and being called names and teased by smaller busted girls. Being busty can make you feel like an outsider. Giving your daughter the right bras will eliminate the physical discomfort many busty teens experience but you also need to give her the emotional tools to deal with the other stuff.

I asked my Mum how she prepared for having busty daughters (with her own award-winning bust it was highly likely that my sister or I - or both - would have a larger bust). She said "You can't stop other people being idiots, you can only prepare your daughter to know how to spot one." This is the key. Your daughter needs to know that if other people feel the need to comment on her bust then that's their problem and not hers.

Self-Esteem
This is one of the most important things I write about. If you feel happy, confident and worthy then it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of your shape. Self-esteem is the bedrock of allowing your daughter to concentrate on being her rather than searching for a manufactured way to fit in. If she's busty the chances are she'll always be busty so the sooner she comes to love her body, the longer she'll be happy.

One of our readers once commented "I am proud to be me because of and despite of my bust." I love this comment because it sums up great self-esteem. You don't have to hide your bust and you don't have to be defined by it. Helping your daughter to love the uniqueness and beauty of her body alongside the fabulousness of her actions, thoughts and talents is the key to balance.

I hope these two blog posts have given you some ideas for making life easier and happier for your busty teens. Boobs are a life-long journey and as with all things, if you get a good start the journey is so much easier. xx

Big Boobs and Periods.

If your breasts become fuller before and during your period, you need a bigger cup

You’ve been blessed with some fantastic boobs and most of the time you can keep them under control but then once a month they take on a life of their own! For lots of women the arrival of their period can take their boobs from big to huge. I’ve got some physical and emotional tips to get you through this tricky part of the month.

If you experience this kind of bulging you need to wear a bigger cup during your period

Some women don’t experience any breast changes before or during their period, but for those who do your swelling is caused by water retention. This water retention is a side-effect of your body releasing extra oestrogen and progesterone hormones. The milk glands and ducts enlarge which means there’s some extra space for your body to store water – so it does. Your bra size can change by a whole cup size during this time. Considering that the swelling can cause your boobs to feel painful, tender or lumpy it’s a good idea to have bigger bras available for your period days.

Wearing a bra with full coverage during your period will keep you more comfortable

You don’t need to buy lots of extras bras for the few days when your breasts swell but one or two “period-sized” bras can make your life so much more comfortable. Wired bras are totally fine during your period, as long as they’re the right size – wires from ill-fitting bras poking into soft breast tissue is always harmful so make sure you know your size.

Just three minutes of gentle stretching or exercising can lessen period pain.

There are lots of things you can do to lessen the impact of your period, but I have three top favourites.

1) Gentle exercise (like stretching or yoga) helps to work out the cramps and distract the mind from the pain.

2) Heat helps to sooth cramping so keep a magic bean heat bag on hand that you can sling in the microwave then lie across your tummy or back.

3) Your blood can get thicker during your period, so to make life easier pour yourself a glass of wine because alcohol thins the blood!

So grab yourself a comfortable correctly fitting bra and a glass of wine and get through your time of the month with a bit more ease! xx

Yoga for Busty Women

Following on from our last Boobs and Fitness video Boobs and Aquafit we’re looking at Yoga and how it can work for busty ladies.

The reason we’re doing this series is to change the idea that exercise isn’t for busty women. I know from personal experience how traumatic working out can be with big boobs. Sports bras for busty women weren’t as readily available or attractive as they are today so my late teen years were spent avoiding sport (especially mixed sports) because I spent the entire time trying not to move from the waist up.

In this week's Fitness and Boobs video I chat to Elizabeth Srinivasan about the benefits of yoga for big busted women and what to expect from a yoga class for beginners or those getting back into yoga.

Elizabeth is a Hatha yoga goddess who teaches at  Moksha Yoga here in Vancouver. Moksha studios operate an inclusive principle for all ages, body types, levels of experience and flexibility.

We are very fortunate that Elizabeth has put together a 15 minute yoga workout designed for busty women. All the exercises are designed with curvy women in mind and will help to strengthen your core and upper body, important things for busty ladies. You can do this routine at home and find out whether yoga is right for you. xx

Fitness and Boobs: Buoyant Boobs!

I was a member of my very first gym for about 18 months and it cost me approximately $300 per visit for the THREE times I went during that time. One of the biggest barriers was that I didn't have a good enough sports bra at the time. These days there are amazing sports bra for women with larger breasts (Enell and the Panache Sports bra) that make a huge difference to gym workouts. Since then I have joined various fitness groups and tried at home fitness videos but I never really got into a fitness groove until a new YMCA opened in Vancouver last year.

The Robert Lee YMCA is in the heart of my neighbourhood and before it opened their advertising made it clear that not only were they opening an incredible health facility they were also offering services to bring the community together. So me and Mr Butterfly signed up and after my first session I was sold. The building is designed to be full of light, which can be in short supply in Vancouver so every little helps. There are programs for every age and capability from the uber-buff to members rehabilitating mobility. Somehow this eclectic mix of families, die-hard gym dudes and older members not only works but makes you feel like you’re part of something bigger – a community.

It turns out that this kind of environment totally works for me, there’s no pressure, no parading your six-pack in front of the mirrors; it’s actually pleasant to be there. All I had to figure out now was what I was going to do because no matter how nice it is at the YMCA I still hate working out in the gym. I don’t hate the treadmill because of the boob-factor; I eliminated the big-boob-bounce a few years ago when I had to tame the girls so I could play basketball; it’s the monotony of the gym that zaps my enthusiasm. So I started hunting around the programs at the Robert Lee YMCA and went to my first Aquafit session. I started with a few shallow aquafit sessions then migrated to the deep-aquafit group and I knew I had found my big-boob-workout-heaven!

This is what has inspired me to create a series of videos about Boobs and Fitness because I know a lot of you still feel uncomfortable working out when you have a big chest. We’re starting with an interview with my Aquafit instructor, Nik Slomba, about why aquafit is a busty girl’s dream!

It’s fair to say that I am a HUGE fan of aquafit (not least because I get to work out to 80s dance tunes!) Since I started doing two 50 minute sessions a week I have noticed a huge change in my lung capacity and flexibility. Aquafit is the first exercise I’ve found that really gets my blood pumping but doesn’t cause me any boob stress; and that has changed my life!

If you have found an exercise, group or activity that totally fits your life and curves I would love to hear about it. I’m a fan of anything that keeps your curves looking toned and fabulous! xx