Are Women Taught to Criticize Other Women?

The Internet can be a fabulous place for women to find other like-minded and like-shaped women with whom they can share their thoughts and experiences. It can also be a place where women tear each other to shreds because of their weight/shape/style etc. This woman-to-woman criticism is nothing new but that doesn't mean it's something we should tolerate.

The Lingerie Addict Has Implemented a Body Snark Free Policy that encourages people to be constructive not destructive in their comments.

Lots of my fellow lingerie bloggers have experienced someone leaving catty, unkind or downright hurtful comments about another woman's shape/style/weight. Many, like me, operate a zero tolerance policy where if you make a vile comment about someone else, you're banned. I don't see this as censorship, I see it as good manners (but then again I'm English so it's all about the manners). I think there is a big difference between stating an opinion and being derogatory. For example, a recent debate about breast enhancement garnered the opinion from one reader "breast enlargement would never be right for me" that's quite different from the brainless (and frankly pointless) comment "all women with implants are bimbos" from one massively unhelpful woman.

In context these images are legitimate responses to excessive Photoshop, Pro-Ana sites and over sexualization of large breasts.

Does Social Media Pit Women Against One-Another?
I think there is an inherent flaw in social media that reduces life to black and white statements with little or no context. For example, there was a flurry of images with the slogan "Real Women Have Curves" which was initially a backlash to the disproportionate number of 'heroin-chic' images that were prolific in the late 90s (a look that was compounded for its dangerous implications when Kate Moss neglectfully said "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"). Very quickly there was a backlash to the 'Real Women' images saying 'All Women Are Real'.

This Vera Wang bridesmaid dress model has been severely photoshopped on the left. I don't consider this a 'Real Woman' this is a 'thinspirational' marketing tactic.

I don't think either of these statements can be taken without context. The Real Women have Curves wasn't originally a stab at thin women it was a response to curvy women being entirely ignored by the media. In recent times it has appeared again in response to the very unnaturally over-Photoshopped women we are exposed to in magazines. You don't get either of these contexts when you reduce the sentiment to one line. Women become isolated images or statements without complexity and context. It's up to the viewer to apply some commonsense and balance, something not everyone is capable of evidently so you end up with people who think it's perfectly OK to judge and slam someone based on their appearance.

This is as close as Social Media gets to dividing men!

I find it really interesting that we don't see endless montages full of muscle-bound men reading "Real Men Have Muscles" followed by another wave of montages full of skinny guys that say "All Men Are Real". It makes you wonder whether there's a divide and conquer attitude that keeps women in a permanent state of insecurity, chasing an impossible perfection.

Women are regularly pitted against each other in the media, almost for sport. Just think about 'The Real Housewives of...' series and you know what I mean. We aren't exposed to a whole lot of women supporting women regardless of their shape and size but we regularly see women trying to outdo each other in beauty or getting the man or winning the argument. If we're too busy slagging off someone else about their shape then we won't rise up and demand that the media portrays us with more dignity and diversity.

As busty women we are all too familiar with people stereotyping us based on the size of our breasts but we have a choice; either we can allow ourselves to be defined and feel bad about our bodies based on the ignorant and insecure comments of others, or we can choose to define ourselves and pity the people who have nothing better to do. xx

Solutions for Uneven Boobs, Disguising Nipples and Hard to Find Band Sizes

As women we are bombarded with images of perfectly symmetrical boobs that defy gravity and sit in their oh-so-cute bras like bouncy boiled eggs. In reality MOST women have one breast larger than the other and struggle to figure out which bra to wear. Add to that nipples with a mind of their own that pop up to take a look around whenever they feel like it and a bra band that never quite fits right and you've got yourself some real life boobs! Today we're looking at the solutions for these common problems.

Solutions for Uneven Breast Sizes
Most women have one breast larger than the other. For some it's almost imperceptible and for others the difference is a whole cup size or more. Nursing mothers know precisely how much difference two boobs can muster in a single day which is why nursing bras are super stretchy to accommodate the different cup sizes you experience on a daily basis. We're bringing in a line of amazing nursing bras that can be adjusted over 3 cup sizes to deal with this daily fluctuation. For everyone else, there are a few things you can do to support your smaller breast.

1) You must ALWAYS fit your bra to your largest breast. This is because you can add support to a small breast in a big cup but you can't undo the spillage of a large breast in a small cup.

2) Shorten your strap on the side of your smallest breast. This will close down some of the gaping between your breast and the cup. This works best with non-molded bras.

3) You can use foams cups inside your bra to even out your appearance. These are different from gel inserts that add cup sizes for smaller breasts because they are thinner and can be stacked to give you complete control over the extra padding you need.

Porcelain Viva is a great example of a lightweight bra that gives you modesty coverage.

Solutions for Over-Eager Nipples
Some women's nipples can be seen through their clothing regardless of the temperature or time of day. This is understandably not the look that you want all the time. You mustn't let you nipples trap you in a cycle of wearing thick, padded bras, there are other solutions.

1) Every woman should enjoy the diversity of lingerie so don't banish yourself from a fine lace bra for the fear of nipple distraction. You can solve the issue from within the bra with nipple petals. If like me your skin doesn't react well to adhesives then reusable silicone petals are ideal. You place one over each nipple then put on your bra. At the end of the day you can wash them, let them air dry then wear them again.

2) Busty women worry that wearing a molded bra will add too much bulk but materials have come a long way in the last few years to be lighter and more comfortable. A lightweight molded bra will give you the modesty you're after without the bulk.

Solutions for Women with In-Between Band Sizes
Band sizes come in even numbers, 30, 32, 34 etc. If your ribcage measures an odd number you can find that bras are either too tight or too loose. This problem is easily solved and can actually save you money!

1) Buy the band size smaller than your ribcage then invest in a pack of bra extenders (these are reusable and last ages). The bra extender links onto your bra closure and give you some extra band size. As your bra naturally stretches over time you will no longer need your bra extender. This method will extend the life of your bra too which saves you money.

Once you know which accessories you need to keep your breasts supported and comfortable it can free you up to enjoy a much wider range of bras. If you have a specific bra problem you would like help with you can email support@butterflycollection.ca and one of our fit specialists will get back to you xx